I want you to go to PostSecret http://www.postsecret.com/ or OneSentence http://www.onesentence.org/. Browse around. If you've never been here, you'll be addicted. Guaranteed. You will laugh. You will be surprised. Maybe even shocked. These are glimpses into private worlds. Many of them are also good examples of psychological needs.
What was your experience reading these? How do they make you feel? How do they make you think? Choose a couple of examples (provide them in your comment) and describe in detail how they reflect the presence or absence of a particular psychological need. Justify your answer by providing evidence from the book about that psychological need, and you linking it to the secret or OneSentence you've chosen.
From the posts I read, I felt sad for some people, yet inspired by their courage to tell the world their burdens (even if they remained anonymous). Just one sentence elicited a response like I knew them personally, and experienced their problems first-hand. On an emotional level, I thought of how lucky I am not to presently have those feelings, how I felt like them in the past, and how reading their post (even though we don’t know each other, and they’ll never know I read it) has changed the way we both feel (at least for awhile). On a logical level, I thought of motivation and emotion (obviously because it was for that class) and tried to attribute what I learned about psychological needs to those people.
One example is “Every single day that I am trapped in the life I made for myself, I hate it more and more. I’m almost 50, and I want to leave and start over alone.” This is an example of absence of the psychological needs of autonomy and relatedness. The poster is likely missing autonomy, because he/she refers to being “trapped” in his/her life. In relation with the book, this person has an external locus of control (that the poster does not control his/her life), low volition (unwillingness to engage in his/her life), and likely little choice (since the poster refers to being trapped), which all diminish autonomy. Relatedness is also missing, because the poster wants to “start over alone.” This indicates no attachment to others (which defines relatedness) Competence may also be missing, contributing to why the poster hates his/her life, but is not as clearly indicated as the other psychological deficits. However, the poster may have low failure tolerance if the poster wants to start his/her life over.
Another example is “Be my valentine: 22 years without one, maybe next year.” This poster is clearly demonstrating a lack of relatedness, and also possibly competence. The poster’s deficit of relatedness is indicated by the lack valentines received for a long time, so the poster feels there is lack of meaningful relationships in his/her life. According to the book, relatedness “reflects the desire to be emotionally connected”. This poster clearly is not and has not been for some time, creating a deficit for relatedness. A deficit in competence may also be demonstrated, because the poster gives off a vibe that there is something wrong with him/her since they could not manage to get one valentine in 22 years. Loneliness would certainly challenge one to strive for relationships, yet the poster has failed to do so. He/she also seems be confused as to why he/she does not receive valentines (lack of information and clarity, so lack of structure), because he/she does not seem optimistic about improving this deficit in the future. Finally, the poster’s failure tolerance would likely decrease after so many failed attempts for success. According to the book, this poster has shown incapability to overcome challenge, no structure, and low failure tolerance, which are the necessary components for successful competence functioning.
This was my first time ever attending this website and I was very surprised to read the entries from people. I agree with the sense that these can and are exposing us to the psychological needs of people. I think that it does show us how some people struggle to obtain autonomy, relatedness and competence. The entries either show how people are struggling or gaining fulfilling their psychological needs through different situations. My experience reading these entries was a range of emotions and confused feelings. I read through both sites twice because I felt that my initial reaction to them did not suffice what people meant by posting these statements. My range of feelings consisted of sadness, confusion, and happiness. It was sad to me that people were unable to be truthful to another person they wanted to experience relatedness with. I found myself wanting to relate a vast amount of these entries to my life and how I may be struggling with or happy with these things in my life. Then there were certain entries which I was much taken back and had no personal relation to this entry.
The majority of entries on PostSecret are related to Valentine’s Day; therefore, they are related to the psychological need of relatedness. We find an extreme need to be involved and develop personal and intimate relationships with other people. Initially I thought of each of these entries to be considered as heterosexual intimate relationships, I do this as default because I have been constantly embedded with heterosexual as correct. As human beings we all desire the feelings of being wanted and appreciated and when we are able to achieve this psychological need of relatedness. The first example of an entry I want to discuss is “I buy Valentine Day cards so the checkout person thinks I have someone to give them to… I don’t.” This individual who placed this entry is lacking the close emotional/intimate relationship with someone during this so-called love and relationship holiday. They proceed to buy the cards because they want others to think they have developed closeness with others in their life. When the individual buys the cards the cashier may ask questions about the cards and this may seem to be a fake warmth and concern. This interest the cashier puts into the customer buying the cards is not really used to develop a relationship but to fulfill their job and possibly their own psychological need of competence. The relationship with the cashier and the customer is an exchange relationship because buying the cards is a business exchange. While it says the communal relationships are the only ones which satisfy relatedness, I think that the person buying the cards is still looking for satisfaction from the cashier. The external regulation from the cashier is what is really occurring during this transaction. Internalization and the thought that the cashier is truly interested in the welfare of this individual is what the person buying the cards wants and needs due to their lack of true relatedness.
The next entry I would like to further investigate on PostSecret is “This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying. I can wait for happiness. And I will.” I feel that within this quote competence, autonomy, and relatedness are all present. Autonomy, the individual which posted this is making a decision which is reflective of their desire to achieve personal direction and endorsement through changing their perception of themselves. I also believe that person-environment dialectic is present, the environment and individual are reacting and acting on each other. The want for this individual to be happy and fulfill the relatedness psychological need is the reason for the change in self-perception. In the past for this individual there may have been constant question and failure with relationships, decreasing the individual’s perception of competence and ability for developing relationships. Competence is questioned for this individual because they have both and internal fight with personal acceptance and being able to externally build personal relationships. There is inherent competence feedback for this individual because they are changing their personal motivation of living to someday being happy and marrying. This constant need to belong and have autonomy and realize their abilities is all in relation to relatedness. Specifically the relationship this person desires is not to an organization or community but to another individual in an intimate marital communal relationship. The social bond created during a marriage is what is vastly desired in developing relatedness and meeting the psychological need for relatedness. While this may seem far-fetched ideas from a blog on PostSecret but, I feel that with my knowledge from the book and class I can predict that this individual is struggling with meeting their psychological needs.
I was very surprised that I was able to apply psychological needs to these blog entries. When I was thinking about these blogs and trying to correlate the needs and personal experiences I surprised myself in how I was able to do so. As we know when we are able to achieve all our psychological needs we will feel very good about ourselves and our social environment. These two entries which I chose are people whom I feel are struggling to obtain their psychological needs. Then again I began to think to myself my interpretations of these blogs may be different than what the people meant when posting them because I am influenced to think about the individuals psychological needs.
This was my first time ever going to either of these websites. They were both very unique in the content that they both provided. I thought it was very refreshing reading such truths. These are statements and feelings that people far too often have to hold inside, but the anonymity allows these individuals to speak their mind and get things off of the their chest. I think this idea of a public anonymous almost diary is a great one. Many of the submissions are very personal or hardships in one’s life. It is hard for individuals to go though these times, but forums such as these give a sense of relatedness from individual to individual. One can read a submission and know they are not the only person going through a similar situation. I think it can also work in the opposite way and readers can find some sort of sense of calm and being okay with their own lives. It seems as though it is easier for people to watch TV shows such as Hoarders and My Strange Addiction as well as reading negative news stories to make them feel better about their own lives.
The Post Secret website was made up of homemade post cards that were related to Valentine’s Day. I thought some of these were quite humorous while others were more upsetting or thought provoking. There were a couple valentines that really stuck out to me on this website. The first one was “I hate him for not leaving me” I think this one really struck me because normally something like this would state “ I hate him FOR leaving me”. This postcard leaves a lot up for interpretation, and I have come up with my own. I believe this individual was struggling with a lack of relatedness with their partner. This lack of relatedness could have created a relationship that may not be as close or personal. This also could form a need for autonomy. Obviously, this individual is not getting what he or she needs nor wants. He/She does not have power over what is going on in their relationship and that causes tension.
I also really liked the postcard that stated “When you told me your deepest darkest secret, a secret that made you think you’re a bad person that’s when you looked the most beautiful and I knew I really do love you” I think this postcard also brings up a lot for relatedness, as much to do with Valentine’s Day would. Divulging about oneself to another creates a bond between two individuals. This would cause the two individuals to be connected and related on another level that others may not be apart of.
I have never been to either of these websites before. However, I have had friends do Post Secret projects that I saw on Facebook. I definitely enjoyed reading the posts on www.postsecret.com. They caused many different emotions while I read them. The honestly really gets me, yet I understand that this site is there for a person to expose it. I smiled, frowned, and laughed while reading the posts. The first example I would like to discuss is one that said, “I hate him for not learning me.” It makes me sad that this person doesn’t feel the importance to someone that they should. It could be a relationship that they realized that the significant other didn’t take the time to know her. So, this would be sad knowing that they didn’t care enough about you to ask about you. This post displays the absence of relatedness, because they don’t feel important enough to belong with that person.
“I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend I want to fuck him with a strap-on” is another post, but this one made me laugh. I’m sure she wanted to get some humor out of it, but is also really unsure of how to handle the true situation. She may risk losing her boyfriend, for he could think she is weird. This shows lack of autonomy by not being able to make the decision on her own to use a strap-on with him. Also, competence is involved by her desire to not seem weird in this situation. She knows that society would call her out for wanting this, so she doesn’t know how to act in this situation. Relatedness makes her feel like she doesn’t fit in with society’s view on this, so this would be lack of the feeling of belonging.
A post that made me feel joyous said, “When you told me your deepest darkest secret, a secret that made you feel like you’re a bad person, that’s when you looked the most beautiful and I really do love you.” I can relate to this one actually. I exposed myself to my crush, at the time, and she asked me to be her girlfriend right after because of my honesty and trust for her. I’m sure he feels like he satisfied the need to belong, or relatedness.
The last example I will share displays competence for now understanding this situation he caused. “I once returned a love letter to the girl who wrote it. I returned it with all the spelling mistakes corrected in red ink! I was a dick!” He now understands that he was in the wrong for this. It also shows autonomy, because he made the decision to be rude, and also he is choosing to own up to his fault.
Terms used: relatedness, autonomy, competence,
I chose to visit the postsecret website. I have been to that website many times and actually just posted one of them to my facebook today, so I thought it would be the appropriate choice for this assignment. The most recent entries on the website are about Valentine’s Day. I am not a huge fan of the “holiday” even though I have a boyfriend, it just seems like a lot of pressure for one holiday that was created by Hallmark. It made me think of how materialistic some people can get on this one day, how it can bring joy, sadness, anger, hope, anxiety, etc. These emotions can go along with every holiday depending on peoples individual experiences.
This secret states, “It wasn’t until I was loving no one, that I fell in love with myself!” This is a great feeling to experience. It reflects the presence of autonomy and need. Autonomy is the independence or freedom and individual possesses. This is demonstrated in the secret by stating the person is single and found the strength within themselves to be confident in the person they are. They could have been in an abusive relationship and eventually realized they were worth more than how they were being treated. Their psychological needs may not have been being met. It also demonstrates need. A need is any condition within the person that is essential and necessary for life, growth and well-being. When needs are nurtured and satisfied, well-being is maintained and enhanced. If neglected or frustrated, their needs will be disrupted. This secret is demonstrating a positive sense of self-worth.
http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-EXiDWJbf1SM/TzaE_kD8fyI/AAAAAAAAR-Y/Ta1_zYZSxGA/s1600/heart.jpg
This secret states, “This is my final goodbye to that person inside of me who told me I would never be worth marrying. I can’t wait for happiness. And I will.” The message I got from this is that the person used to be very self-loathing, depressed, and they are ready to stop feeling bad. They may have felt poorly because their Physiological Needs (thirst, hunger, sex), Psychological Needs (Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness), and/or Social Needs (achievement, affiliation, intimacy, power) were not being met. The person could have been in a relationship that did not involve as much sex as they would have liked, therefore making their physiological need not met. They may not have had a sense of independence, making their sense of autonomy not met. Maybe they did not have any control in their past relationship, making their social need unmet. The possibilities are really endless with this secret. I think it is good that it was left so broad because many people can relate to it in a way that is personal to them. Even though it may not be everyone’s goal to get married, I think overall happiness is something everyone desires.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-ps2-
HNT5U/TzaGaJZsVSI/AAAAAAAASAg/uMSPsOPvl0M/s1600/andiwill.jpg
TERMS: autonomy, need, independence, psychological needs, well-being, growth, self-worth, depressed, physiological, thirst, hunger, sex, competence, relatedness, social needs, achievement, affiliation, intimacy, power
After reading some of the posts I felt kind of sad by them. Some of the posts are very deep and emotional. I understand that they are anonymous but I think it is pretty cool how these people use this to tell people their thoughts. These posts not only make me feel sad but some make you think about your own life. What these posts remind me of in a way is how a song can make you feel. Songs make you feel certain ways or think in different ways just like these posts. Another thing about these websites are that they are refreshing and different from what we are used to in our lives. These people are telling their true feelings and we really see that in anything. I have never really seen anything like these websites before and found them very interesting.
I decided to use the post secret website which were different things like post cards and other things that showed a person's true feelings. I found one post really interesting that said 'It wasn't until I was loving no one, that I fell in love with myself'. This relates well to what we have been talking about because we have talked about relatedness and this post kind of contradicts it. Relatedness is the emotional attachment to other people and the desire to be emotionally connected with others. This post is saying that the person didn't start liking themselves until they stopped looking for love in others. Thats what I feel it is saying but you could interpret it in other ways too. Before you can satisfy your relatedness need though, you must be able to understand what you want. Thats what I feel like the post is saying to me.
Another post I felt was very interesting was the one that said 'I fell for a conman whose only interest in me was a green card, I should have known better'. This post kind of said the same thing to me that the other one said. The person that wrote this was looking for relatedness in a person that obviously wasn't looking for a warm relationship. The post says that they fell for someone who was only looking to have a reason to stay in the country and not for love. What relatedness says is that we tend to gravitate towards people that tend to care for our well-being. People function better when they have relatedness and when they don't they feel bad about themselves. I think we can conclude that in this post the person who wrote this is feeling bad about themselves. People seek out relatedness because it is a very important psychological need.
I was moved by many of the comments and confessions I read on OneSentence. Both sites had some interesting sayings and I applaud people for posting their inner-most thoughts. I nearly cried up when I read the comment by the woman who had went to an appointment to find out the sex of her baby but ended up saying good-bye. The confession by the person who did not know how to tell her boyfriend about her secret sexual fantasy took me by surprise and did make me laugh out loud, I must admit. Everyone who reads these has to admit that there are a few, at the least, with which they can relate. We are all a lot alike in various ways, with the same psychological needs and yearnings.
One comment I was drawn to was the one by “irony”. She stated that her otherwise “open-minded mom” did not take the news of her being bi-sexual as well as her “Muslim best friend”. I felt this sentence reflected great autonomy. She was given the opportunity to confess her secret, and likely always had such opportunities afforded her due to the fact that her mother was so open-minded. As our text states, her behavior was self-directed (autonomous), and she had a choice to tell her secret. I also feel that she possessed competence afterwards, knowing she had accomplished what she had set out to do. As our text states regarding competence, she felt the need to effectively interact with her environment, and did so. Lastly, I saw this girl as having a great lack of relatedness. Our book discusses this psychological need to belong. She was struggling to connect with and be accepted by her mother and her friend, and probably many others with her “coming out” confession.
A second example I found very interesting was the one submitted by “evan”, who told us how he was a failure because he was too white, or “not street enough” to show true skill in his graffiti art. He described himself as a failure, which lacks what our book describes as the psychological need of having competence. He did not feel he could master this type of art and was extremely disappointed by his instructor’s opinion. The criticism given by his instructor would also hinder this person’s autonomy regarding future art projects. He probably feels limited now on what he can draw.
TERMS: autonomy, competence, relatedness, psychological need(s), self-directed
I personally, decided to peruse the website onesentence.org because of the value I could pull from only one sentence. It amazes me the amount of emotion one sentence can put forward. I have never felt so sad, happy, humorous, dark, simplistic, or informed in such a short amount of time. This wide range of emotion would seem to puzzle people in any other setting because of the need to define emotion. Nobody likes confusion, yet this site endorses emotional confusion for one psychological need. Addiction. This addiction comes from a psychological need that we already hold and that is relatedness. Even though I have no clue who these people are or even their gender many times I feel like they are close friends or family members. I even thought to myself a couple times, wow that sounds like someone I know. Even if we don't share a common background, ethnicity, interests, or education we all share emotion and this is what spurs the addiction. To recognize that others feel exactly the same way we do and nobody is above emotion. One example that figuratively brought me to my knees was the how low a sunk when I read this sentence, "When I logged on to Facebook, I wasn't expecting to find my mother's suicide note." That is so incredibly hard to post that, but he/she felt the need to because she knows others have felt that pain and she is not alone. Another sentence reads, "I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home." This post shows the value of autonomy. Obviously there is a lack of autonomy because she is not in control of her career. It is one thing to have your boss tell you what to do, but then have your boss give instruction and then have children take away your control, which is one thing expected of an educator. Teaching can be so tough and she must have felt out of control that her ability to drive home was all but gone. On a lighter note one sentence got me to laugh for a pretty long time and to share it with other people in my room. It read, "The cancer radiation nurse didn't think it was funny when I asked her about the possibility of developing super powers." I found this one to be particularly interesting. First its humor got me, but then looking deeper into it this could easily be this man's way of coping with cancer. It could also be a heavy defensive barrier he puts up to block out how scared he really is. This avoidance behavior he is displaying can be helpful and harmful and the balance of them is tricky. Another perfect example of relatedness came to me, but in a different kind of relationship. "My aunt was disgusted I cried harder for the death of my dog than I did for my grandmother, but she didn't realize my dog was in my life for 16 years while grandma was only around for seven." Clearly its not only humans we crave to have relationships with. As we all know the power of a loving pet can do wonders when you know that they will never judge you and always love you. A slightly funny example of the need for competence ended in a sad state for one individual. "I went to college to discover things about myself, not expecting to discover that I was lactose intolerant." Clearly he wanted to expand his competence, but not in the way he ended up doing. Overall these sentences grabbed me in a profound way. As stated in the directions these insights into strangers lives brings you a sense of calm in knowing that there are others out there just like and they may be struggling, making the best of a situation, or just having fun. No matter what they are doing you know they are just trying to do the exact same thing as you are, lives their life the best they know how.
Terms Used: Autonomy, Competence, Relatedness, Avoidance Behavior
First off, I thought both of these websites were pretty entertaining. Some of the things posted made me laugh literally out, and others made my heart break; either way I couldn’t stop reading and scrolling down. They made me feel really compassionate and also some of the posts made me fortunate for what I have. Some of the posts were a little depressing, and I felt bad for the individuals who are really the way they are. There were many emotions and situations that people were going through, and they were releasing some of their needs, and drives. I probably kept reading them up to 10-15 minutes until I realized I should probably start relating them to class. Overall, I thought that Post Secret was more interesting, only because I liked looking at the pictures a lot. One sentence was funny and interesting too, but a little drier. I think both of these websites are good for people though. I think that this gives people a chance to release of their inner emotions that have been built it, and typing/writing things out can be very therapeutic for individuals.
I thought the ones pertaining to Valentine’s Day were pretty funny. Personally I think Valentines is a stupid holiday because I don’t think there should be a “certain day” to let someone know how you feel about them, or know how much you love them. It should be every day. This is the reason I thought many of them were funny. The first one that cracked me up was: “I buy valentine day cards so the person check out person thinks I have someone to give it to, I DON’T!” Also, I saw a tweet today (yes I am bring twitter into this) that related to these pictures. It said “When people brag about what their boyfriends did on valentines I’ll have to make shit up so I don’t look like an idiot.” I can definitely see this as being on the website as well. I think that the valentines really related to the psychological need of relatedness. Obviously these people feel that they need to have some type of intimate relationship with someone, yet they are not achieving that at this point. As human beings, we need to have the feeling of love, and being wanted, for our own well being. This person could possibly be relating to competence as well, because this person wants to be in control of situations, and wants people to think that he has a significant other.
The other post that really caught my eye (and heart...) was on One Sentence. It was posted in January and it said: “I went to my appointment expecting to find out if it was a boy or girl, but instead I discovered how very difficult it is to say goodbye.” This was very upsetting to me and I could relate this sentence to many of the topics we have discussed in the textbook and lecture. First, I think this quote related to competence in some ways. This woman has obviously lost something extremely precious to her, and if she had the choice, she would have never let this happen. I am guessing that she is feeling like she does not have competence, which is frustrating. She did not have control over the situation. Another topic that this relates to would be relatedness. Since this woman has lost something that is literally a part of her, she is losing something that she loves which means she is losing a relationship, and losing the relatedness with something. She is no longer connected with the precious child that is inside of her. This also would relate to the hormones that she was producing during this stage.
TERMS: Relatedness, Psychological Needs, Relationship, Competence, Needs, Drive, Emotions, Well-Being, Hormones
I chose to visit both websites. I am very familiar with PostSecret, in high school we did a project where we had our own secrets. Reading through both of these websites, these comments make me sad, happy and sometimes surprised by the things that was said. The comments were very shocking when it came to things dealing with broken hearts and personal problems. There were many different emotions realted to different situations and events. These people writing these posts and sending in the postcards, are with missing or satisfying their psychological needs. It seemed to me I read more sad and psychologically deprived posts more than the happy ones. I stayed on both of these sites for quite some time because they are really interesting and some of them got to me. I found that I was feeling a lot of the emotions they were writing about and I could relate some of them to my every day life.
On Post Secret the majority of postcards were related to valentines day. One card that caught my attention was "This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying. I can wait for happienss. And I will." This card made me happy for this person because it is obvious they had had some past problems with feeling adequate and worthy. It now seems they have chosen to be the best they can and that they are worth it for love and most likely this person deserves every bit of it. This postcard shows a really good example of autonomy and chosing to not be ruled by self-doubt and self-image problems. This person is not longer going to let their self-doubts and others comments get to them. Their drive seems to be very strong in finding that happiness and love everyone strives for. I could also see that this card could realte to competence because they are going to work hard at accepting themsleves and knowing that they are good enough to find someone to marry them, someone to make them happy. Relatedness could also come to play in this postcard because this person is ready to find someone who they can make a close bond with and spend the rest of their life together happy and in love. I really liked this postcard a lot and it really made me happy for the person that has finally decided that they are a good person and worth someones time to love.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-ps2-HNT5U/TzaGaJZsVSI/AAAAAAAASAg/uMSPsOPvl0M/s1600/andiwill.jpg
This next one I got from One Sentence. I found these to be interesting because you can learn so much from just one sentence. The sentence that caught my eye was "I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home." This sentence makes me sad because it seems like she is trying very hard and is not getting any satisfaction out of her job. This sentence screams competence. She is not finding it satisfying or enjoyable at all causing her an emotional break down from time to time. Relatedness may come in when relating and understanding her students. If she is this unhappy and sad with her job than she most likely is not creating strong connections with her students.
http://www.onesentence.org/stories/month/2012-01/
Another postcard I really loved was "I drove extra slow to the airport, just to have 10 more minutes with you." This postcard is so sweet and shows that this person has a high relatedness level. There is an obvious connection and strong bond between this person and who he/she is talking about that they would risk maybe being late for thier flight to see their loved one a bit longer. This is also an example of how their is strong autonomy. This person chose to take their time on the road to get to the airport to spend more time with their loved one. They didn't fear being late, or worried about not enough time, all they wanted was to see their loved one for just a bit longer before saying goodbye.
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-LpQoskXqfNA/TzaF9dci7wI/AAAAAAAAR_I/byJXpIjpEL4/s1600/cheese.jpg
Terms: motivation, psychological needs, emotion, drive, autonomy, comeptence, relatedness
I was surprised at how open people are willing to be with secrets when they are anonymous. I am also very surprised to see how much pain people feel and how much hurt they seem to have. Some of the secrets were good and I was happy and I was sad when I read those that were upsetting. It makes me think about how this is helping people. You always say you feel better when you get something off your chest and I wonder if this has the same effect. Do these people post these secrets and then feel better or maybe after they send this postcard they then have the courage to revel their secrets out loud to someone they know or to a person addressed in the note. One example of this is one of the secrets that says
“This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying, I can wait for happiness and I will”
This is a nice secret it seems like this person is overcoming some self-doubt and becoming stronger for it. This makes me think a significant event happened in this person’s life and they are able to take a step back and really change what seems like made them miserable for however long. This psychological need expressed here is the need for relatedness. This person felt they would never get married and connect with someone and now they feel like they will and are willing to wait to get that.
One more example I think of autonomy comes from onesentence.
“I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.”
This shows her autonomy is low in her job and it is taking a toll on her emotions and mental state. This seems hard for her and maybe she cannot find they competence she needs and instead it is just overwhelming.
I was surprised at how open people are willing to be with secrets when they are anonymous. I am also very surprised to see how much pain people feel and how much hurt they seem to have. Some of the secrets were good and I was happy and I was sad when I read those that were upsetting. It makes me think about how this is helping people. You always say you feel better when you get something off your chest and I wonder if this has the same effect. Do these people post these secrets and then feel better or maybe after they send this postcard they then have the courage to revel their secrets out loud to someone they know or to a person addressed in the note. One example of this is one of the secrets that says
“This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying, I can wait for happiness and I will”
This is a nice secret it seems like this person is overcoming some self-doubt and becoming stronger for it. This makes me think a significant event happened in this person’s life and they are able to take a step back and really change what seems like made them miserable for however long. This psychological need expressed here is the need for relatedness. This person felt they would never get married and connect with someone and now they feel like they will and are willing to wait to get that.
One more example I think of autonomy comes from onesentence.
“I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.”
This shows her autonomy is low in her job and it is taking a toll on her emotions and mental state. This seems hard for her and maybe she cannot find they competence she needs and instead it is just overwhelming.
The first thing I noticed about the ones on Post Secret today was that they were for the most part all about love. Valentine’s Day had a big effect on this website! There were many that showed the psychological need for relatedness, especially the one that said “I buy Valentine’s Day cards so the lady at the checkout thinks I have someone.” There is a strong need here that not only they wish they had a Valentine, but also just so someone else thinks they do. They feel they need the approval of others to think they are in a relationship, when in all reality; the checkout person probably never has that thought really cross their mind. I think this is also an example of competence, everyone desires to interact effectively in their surroundings, and this desire extends into our relationships. This person feels that everyone is expected to be in a relationship or to have someone they can call their “Valentine” and felt that the store clerk may not think this person is competent if he or she didn’t buy a Valentine’s Day card. Its funny because I bought my mom, my daughter and my fiancé’s mom a card, but not my fiancé, (I made his a while ago) but the clerk doesn’t look at the card and who they are for, so buying a card doesn’t prove to the clerk anything.
There were a lot of emotions that I felt while reading this, I laughed, I felt anger, embarrassment, and disgust. One guy said he returned a love letter a girl wrote him once with all the spelling and grammar errors marked in red ink! How embarrassing for her and what a jerk thing to do! I felt sad at the same time as seeing how much someone was in love when he said, “I haven’t said I love you to another woman since you left 31 years ago.” Wow!
One I read said that at her wedding her ex that broke her heart busted into the bathroom and told her he loved her and PURPOSED! She said no because she would never break her groom’s heart the way he broke hers, but this is a good example of autonomy. He didn’t want to be with her when she wanted him, but now that she was married to someone else who loved her and made her happy, he thought it was his choice still and could still have her. He had a strong desire to make a choice and to have the decision making flexibility. He wanted to be the one to decide what to do, when to do it, how to do it, when to stop doing it, and whether or not to do it at all. Jerk. I am glad his need for autonomy was crushed along with his ego, it takes a big ego to purpose to a woman in a wedding gown. Sheesh!
I have never been to either of these sites before but I can see it very quickly being added to my favorites bar.
Terms used: psychological need, competent, relatedness, autonomy,
After looking on Post Secert and OneSentence I felt pretty sad. One sentence had a lot of comments about mother’s suicides and people being ill. I felt bad for all the people and the struggles they seemed to be going through. I think some of these people need some hugs because they seem to have a troubled life and no one to share their issues with. PostSecert had a bunch of Valentine posts, since it is the day after Valentine ’s Day. It kind of made me feel pathetic because I don’t have a valentine and society puts so much emphasis on this day. But after looking at both of these sites I realized how lucky I am to not have a family member or loved one with serious health issues and I’m super happy with myself and not having to worry about another person causing drama or stress in my life.
A post on OneSentence said, “I'm mourning the loss of my little brother because the "friends" who invited him to the party are the same ones who gave him the drugs and left him there to die.” Now this is extremely sad! They are probably struggling with all sorts of emotions. The person who posted this is lacking competence because they can’t understand why people that are supposedly ‘friends’ would do such a thing to a person they loved. The person is wishing that their brother may have more autonomy to say no to their friends so they would still be alive. The person who posted on the website could also be seeking relatedness from others who might have lost a love one. They may be searching particularly for friends who have lost a sibling or someone from drugs. I was extremely sad after reading this post and felt bad for the person who posted it. Hopefully they can gain understanding (competence) on what happened and find others to help them in this troubling time (relatedness).
The post I read on PostSecert that caught my eye said, “It wasn’t until I was loving no one, that I fell in love with myself.” I found it to be true for most people because some people don’t love themselves or see all the good they can bring the world when they are wrapped up in someone else. This person is defiantly seeking and I think finding autonomy. They are finding out who they are as a person and who they can do things by themselves. They are also finding competence in their own life. They could be finally understanding their own likes and talents that they may have never noticed before. The post may have been posted to make others see that they don’t need someone else to make them feel special, so this post has relatedness. If the person posting this has found all three of those aspects in their lives I have a feeling that their physiological needs were met on Valentine’s Day because they feel complete and happy.
Terms: Autonomy, relatedness, competence, emotions, physiological needs
I have never been to or even heard of either of these sites and I kind of wish it would have stayed that way. The majority of the posts on One Sentence were depressing and made me wonder what is going on in their life that they have to share it with the world. It may be a coping mechanism for them or an anonymous way to vent, but I can’t say that I understand their reasoning for doing such a thing. I have never been really open with those closest to me and to share it on the internet would be the last thing that I would ever do.
The one post that really stood out to me was “It wasn’t that I didn’t want to stop drinking, or that I couldn’t, it was that I didn’t care enough.” This post pretty much summed up all I have learned in Motivation/Emotion. This post included the themes of: physiological needs, psychological needs, and intrinsic/extrinsic motivation. We all know how big of a role our physiology plays on our motivation and alcohol affects pretty much our whole system. In his/her post they say that they could stop and for most alcoholics that is not the case. Autonomy was also very evident in this post. Autonomy is being able to do what you want and alcohol is controlling this person’s life. With a loss of autonomy comes a decrease in psychological well-being, motivation, learning, development, and performance. Without knowing this person, I can tell you that they are depressed and wishing things could change in their life. They wait for things to happen in their life and don’t take control of it themselves. Intrinsic/extrinsic motivation also comes up in this post in the line “I didn’t care enough”. There is nothing in their life that pushes them to quit drinking so why care.
The second post that I saw that related to Motivation/Emotion was “I got a job to have a life, but now I don’t have one.” I can personally say that I know what this person is talking about because having a job takes away your sense of autonomy. You are working forty plus hours a week, not doing the things that you want to. Your previous life may have included things such as fishing, reading, sleeping, video games, or anything else that you found enjoyable. You liked this previous life because you were doing things that you wanted to do and that you found intrinsically motivating. Most jobs however do not cater to your needs. You do what they say and when they say it or you won’t have a job for long. This is taking away your sense of autonomy, which in turn decreases your intrinsic motivation.
Physiological needs, psychological needs, intrinsic/extrinsic motivation, autonomy
I’d have to say my experience while reading this was that of a normal one when visiting a website. I didn’t find either of the sites too addicting or funny enough to laugh at. With the set up so people can post unanimous I can see how the post can be somewhat surprising in a shocking way like, “did they really just say that” or “no way”, there is nothing that can tie that individual to any certain such post. It is this fact that people are willing to let others take a glimpse into their private maybe somewhat messed up world. That is what makes these two sites a good place of study to find examples of psychological needs.
To be blatantly honest when I first logged on to the sites and started to poke around I didn’t really care too much. They were dull and plain, there was no nothing that jumped out at me and said “read me” or “click me”. I felt that you had to be completely bored to stay on either one of the sites, and that’s precisely what I ended up doing. I’m probably saying this in retro speck to the fact that I gave up trying to solve other people’s problems in high school until I could more of a handle on psychology. Then I started to think about another website that I had been to that let individuals post what was going on from there cell phones, http://textsfromlastnight.com/ a website that one can easily relate to and offers the same insight. This website I could get a laugh at as well as be surprised and shocked. When I think about what I did see and go through I just kept thinking to myself, “this is random…. I don’t get this”, and “this is stupid”. Not that I’m anti-emotional I just don’t feel like putting myself in their shoes if I don’t have to, it get emotionally draining and I would know from my last relationship. Never again.
Most of the entries on PostSecret were related to valentine’s Day, were one can draw the psychological need for relatedness from. This is due to the fact that we need to be involved in and develop personal and intimate relationships with others. Part of relatedness is the desire to be wanted and accepted. This brings me to the entry “I buy Valentine Day cards so the checkout person thinks I have someone to give them to….I don’t.” This poster is not showing that close relationship with anyone, especially on a day that is supposed to be about love and companionship. As this person goes through with buying the cards he wants others to think that he is in a close relationship, even if the employee were to ask questions. The buyer might take the employees interest as a sign of relatedness but in retro speck the employee is or could be just pursuing their own competence based needs. Making the relationship between the two an exchanged relationship because buying the card classifies as two people doing business together. Being that only a communal relationship can satisfy that relatedness need, the card buying is going to probably still look for that relatedness need elsewhere. I can justify this by saying the employee was acting on extrinsic motives such as getting the money and intrinsic motives of acting out of pure interest for this customers welfare.
I’d have to say my experience while reading this was that of a normal one when visiting a website. I didn’t find either of the sites too addicting or funny enough to laugh at. With the set up so people can post unanimous I can see how the post can be somewhat surprising in a shocking way like, “did they really just say that” or “no way”, there is nothing that can tie that individual to any certain such post. It is this fact that people are willing to let others take a glimpse into their private maybe somewhat messed up world. That is what makes these two sites a good place of study to find examples of psychological needs.
To be blatantly honest when I first logged on to the sites and started to poke around I didn’t really care too much. They were dull and plain, there was no nothing that jumped out at me and said “read me” or “click me”. I felt that you had to be completely bored to stay on either one of the sites, and that’s precisely what I ended up doing. I’m probably saying this in retro speck to the fact that I gave up trying to solve other people’s problems in high school until I could more of a handle on psychology. Then I started to think about another website that I had been to that let individuals post what was going on from there cell phones, http://textsfromlastnight.com/ a website that one can easily relate to and offers the same insight. This website I could get a laugh at as well as be surprised and shocked. When I think about what I did see and go through I just kept thinking to myself, “this is random…. I don’t get this”, and “this is stupid”. Not that I’m anti-emotional I just don’t feel like putting myself in their shoes if I don’t have to, it get emotionally draining and I would know from my last relationship. Never again.
Most of the entries on PostSecret were related to valentine’s Day, were one can draw the psychological need for relatedness from. This is due to the fact that we need to be involved in and develop personal and intimate relationships with others. Part of relatedness is the desire to be wanted and accepted. This brings me to the entry “I buy Valentine Day cards so the checkout person thinks I have someone to give them to….I don’t.” This poster is not showing that close relationship with anyone, especially on a day that is supposed to be about love and companionship. As this person goes through with buying the cards he wants others to think that he is in a close relationship, even if the employee were to ask questions. The buyer might take the employees interest as a sign of relatedness but in retro speck the employee is or could be just pursuing their own competence based needs. Making the relationship between the two an exchanged relationship because buying the card classifies as two people doing business together. Being that only a communal relationship can satisfy that relatedness need, the card buying is going to probably still look for that relatedness need elsewhere. I can justify this by saying the employee was acting on extrinsic motives such as getting the money and intrinsic motives of acting out of pure interest for this customers welfare.
Ooops, i don't know why it posted it twice. Sorry about the confusion.
I explored the Post Secret website and found myself reading these for over a half hour! I have read these types of things before but it's so addicting just to sit there and read someone's secret. These people were brave enough to come forward and tell their secret (anonymously). I think I could sit and read these for hours if I had enough time - they are short, simple and to the point. I often felt surprised as I read the different entries. I can't believe people actually share some of this! Some were funnier than others but I felt like a good majority of them were kind of sad and depressing. They were mostly about regret and times they had been hurt in a relationship. I guess it's understandable, a lot of people go through horrible things in their life. But I still find it very intriguing and surprising of the deep and dark thoughts that are shared. That is a side of a person that they don't share with others very often and they live with that thought in their head every day!
The first Post Secret entry that immediately stuck out to me was this one: "in the dressing room at my wedding the man who broke my heart busting in and begged for forgiveness and proposed. I rejected him as to not break my groom's heart the way he broke mine." http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7dHCD-ekQ6U/TzaFyed0HPI/AAAAAAAAR-k/KRkkZ-GOyf8/s1600/heartbroke.jpg My thoughts immediately went to autonomy and relatedness. This woman experienced self direction and personal endorsement by making this choice. She totally controlled the situation and wasn't going to make the same mistake twice with the guy who broke her heart and she was preventing the groom from feeling the pain she once felt as well. Although it may have been a surprise, she used self-determined behaviors that possibly made her feel free and gave her the sense of actually having a choice in the matter. The second psychological need I saw in this post was relatedness. She had obviously established a communal relationship with the groom(one would only hope because they were getting married!). This relationship supported internalization where the person accepts another person's beliefs, values, and ways of behaving as their own as well. There may have been a bond shared between the bride and the ex-boyfriend but it was severed when he broke her heart. That relationship was no longer satisfied by this psychological need.
Another example that really caught my eye was, "I buy Valentine Day cards so the checkout person thinks I have someone to give them to… I don’t." http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b6P_oQOlojc/TzaGoJYpX8I/AAAAAAAASBE/uTUopgWaUcw/s1600/singleawarenessday.jpg This entry also had a lot to do with relatedness. They are lacking this psychological need and feel they can compensate this by receiving recognition from the store clerk. This person can still receive warmth and some caring from the store clerk and that is enough for them to feel a little bit of relatedness. During that short time of checking out they establish a bond with the cashier over Valentine's Day. It seems like maybe this person just needs some social interaction, and because she/he is not receiving that in a communal relationship they feel it is satisfied by sharing that moment with others. Although the card being bought is a lie, it remains that push for some social interaction and satisfaction that this person needs to complete at least one psychological need. And maybe it helps satisfy some of their psychological need for competence as well. It could possibly help them feel effective and seek out a challenge to find a relationship. There may be motivation there to do so, but it is just slowly being built up.
Having never been to these two websites before, you are correct. I am now addicted. As I glanced through these different “post-cards” of sayings, feelings, quotes, and emotions, I began to realize how much I could relate with each one whether it was my past feelings about a certain one, my present feelings, or possible future ones. They make me think of happy, sad, funny, and eventful times in my life as I sit and relate with each different one. Some make me feel sad, some cause me to laugh, and out of the blue I realized there would be one or two that I could not relate to at all and I either pitied the people that wrote them or badly wished I could relate so I could take their concept into more depth and have a more personal connection with that one line.
One of these that seemed to really grab at me was “It wasn’t until I started loving no one, that I fell in love with myself”, because it seems to be the perfect theme line of my life right now. I like to believe it has all three psychological needs in a way because it shows that whoever wrote this has been in love before by saying “until I started loving..” so in the past this person has probably felt relatedness with another being to know what “loving no one” feels like as well as having relatedness within their true self and what they love by saying “fell in love with myself”. It also has competence for this person shows they have been in recent relationships that came to an end causing them to seek out challenges and new options, while the whole time they were really happy with discovering who they are. Autonomy is definitely displayed within this quote because this person displays that they can choose who they love and what they want to do, which in this case they chose to love no one, chose to probably try new things, and had the option of realizing that they were only falling in love with themself. The book states that autonomy is the psychological need for self-direction and personal endorsement in the initiation and regulation of one’s behavior, which is seen here by dropping past relationships to discover a new one within oneself. The book also states that competence generates our need willingness for seeking out optimal challenges, which in this case, loving no one and not being in a relationship can be difficult and doing what you want and discovering yourself on your own can be quite the challenge of life. Relatedness in the book is seen as two different kinds, communal and exchange. In this quote, a communal relationship is going on because this person has learned to care, like, accept, and value themselves for who they are.
The next sentence I chose was “While the other kids made a snowman and the adults conversed indoors, I slipped off the dock into the snowy lake and had to be my own hero at age 7.” I chose this one because at one point in my life I actually went off on my own and fell into a lake myself, although it was early spring and I was slightly older than the author here. According to the book, having autonomy means having a perceived locus of causality which means knowing the cause of the motivated behavior, which in this statement displays autonomy, for the wondrous seven year old was probably able to recognize that everyone was busy doing something so he/she had the option and time to slip away down to the dock to do his/her own thing. As the book states, competence comes immensely into play because textbook wise the child here is seeking out a new challenge by sneaking off to the dock (knowing he/she probably should not), and not only just going to a dock by the lake, but a snowy dock by the lake in the winter, making it even more of a challenging option. Relatedness seems to be absent in this quote, as well as maybe the person at the time, because this child is not seeking relatedness with anyone if he/she is sneaking off on their own during what seems to be a very interactive environment.
Terms: autonomy, competence, relatedness, psychological needs, perceived locus of causality
I looked at the website PostSecret. This is the first time I have ever seen this site. It appears the theme for the secrets is Valentine’s Day. Most of the anonymous posts where confessions of love, sometimes unrequited. There were a few confessing of infidelity or shameful behavior. I did not experience much of anything reading these. As far as web material goes, this site appears pretty tame. I have seen much worse out of people in forums responding to everyday news or sports articles. When people are allowed to be anonymous they speak in ways they would not normally speak in real life, for better or worse. The secrets did not make me feel much of anything. I have no connection to these people and none of it is shocking beyond what can be expected of human behavior. My apathy towards these posts can be explained by the psychological concept of relatedness. Since I feel absolutely no emotional bond or attachment with these people I feel no relatedness with them.
The secrets made me think these are either lonely or bored people. I am not sure what they get out of posting anonymous thoughts. Perhaps by posting their secrets they feel a greater sense of autonomy. They feel a greater sense of ownership for their feelings and made the choice to share these thoughts with others.
My first example of a post demonstrating psychological needs in action is the following: “I haven’t said, “I love you” to another woman since you left 31 years ago. 19800629” This post can be interpreted it a couple of ways, all of them expressing loneliness, or a lack of relatedness at the deepest level of love. Thirty one years ago would appear to explain the numbers meaning the date June 6th, 1980, when this woman left the writer’s life. What is left to be interpreted is if woman left the writer meaning moved away or left as in she died. The picture shows a woman at an airport, I take this to mean either the woman left on a plane to somewhere else or the woman went to heaven and the plane is a metaphor in this case. Either way the writer is lacking an intimate relatedness and has not been able to satisfy it in 31 years.
The second post I will discuss is, “I never believed in forever until you.” This post demonstrates a very strong feeling of relatedness. This person satisfies the writer’s need for relatedness so much that it changed their outlook on life. Perhaps the writer enjoys being around this person so much that they often experience flow, a blissful feeling gives them the perception of a timeless existence, thus they feel like they could live forever in the presence of this person.
Terms: relatedness, autonomy, psychological needs, flow
I’ve never been to either webpage’s so I checked them both out, and I’d have to say I have now become addicted. It’s interesting looking into the thoughts of strangers and realizing we’re actually all alike, us humans. After reading a few posts on OneSentence, I was filled with a mixture of feelings, some happy and empathetic. A lot were on the topic of love, some were about something funny that happened, and yet most were things they’ve never told anyone. These posts really made me reflect on things that I may be hiding or maybe even ashamed of, but overwhelmed me with a sense that everything will be alright. It made me realize that others have gone through so much worse in their lives and the problems they have to face. Everyone has something they keep to themselves, everyone has emotions, and everyone wants to feel like they’re not alone. And these sites provide that comfort.
From OneSentence, I chose this post, “The cancer radiation nurse didn't think it was funny when I asked her about the possibility of developing super powers.” This person is obviously going through something serious, but still finds humor in the situation. According to the Organismic Approach to motivation, organisms have the ability to adapt, change, and grow as a function of those environmental transactions. In this example, the poster has adapted to the situation of undergoing chemo-therapy and has developed a new outlook on the circumstances they are faced with. This person has found their perceived locus of causality either internally or externally that motivated their behavior to be positive and to satisfy their psychological need of autonomy. In an environment where most people expected you to be sad, like receiving radiation, this person made up their own choice to go against that expectation. Receiving chemo-therapy is a challenge within itself, both mentally and physically. This person is using their skills, such as humor, to overcome this challenge, therefore satisfying a bit of their psychological need of competence. Last but not least, the poster is experiencing relatedness by creating a bond with the nurse, even if she didn’t think that joke was funny. However, that type of relationship would be more exchange, because the nurse is just doing her job and the poster needs to be there for treatment. I don’t know whether or not the nurse and the poster truly care about the welfare of each other, but I’m sure after seeing each other so much that it would possibly develop, since the nurse obviously has to care about the welfare of her patients. http://www.onesentence.org/stories/popular/ - “Matt”
From PostSecret, I chose this post, “This is my final goodbye to that person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying. I can wait for happiness. And I will.” This post demonstrates how this person has overcome some sort of inner turmoil in a way that will produce the desired behavior. As with the example above, this poster is also trying to adapt, change, and grow as a function of the external environment according to the Organismic Approach. The poster has clearly satisfied their need for autonomy because they have made their own choice to achieve happiness. This person needed to experience self-direction instead of being held back by their bombarding negative thoughts. A high volition must have been present in some certain activity where they didn’t feel pressured by the environment. This person can freely act and behave as they desire, and in this case it’s to be happy and to marry. Previous to this self-choice, the person must have been lacking competence or flow. Their skills must have been low to a challenge, which produces emotions such as worry and anxiety. However, after they satisfied their need for autonomy, they found the skills they need to over-come some challenge in the environment, or mentally. This person has overcome those negative thoughts and is seeking the optimal challenge to be happy and to wed. The poster is also looking to satisfy their psychological need for relatedness, or to find that communal relationship with a significant other. This person has a significant desire to be emotionally connected and to be interpersonally involved with another. http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-ps2-HNT5U/TzaGaJZsVSI/AAAAAAAASAg/uMSPsOPvl0M/s1600/andiwill.jpg
TERMS: organismic approach to motivation, perceived locus of causality, psychological need, autonomy, competence, relatedness, exchange relationship, volition, flow, optimal challenge, communal relationship
I have never heard of these sites before, but I did enjoy some of them. It is surprising that one sentence can really make you think. There were an abundance of negative sentences, and it made me feel grateful for my life. I thought most of them were sad rather than funny.
“You said my crooked smile was amazing to draw, but then I found you loved to draw her perfect one better.” Cheating was the first thing I thought of after reading this statement, because the man that loved to draw her smile, found a new girl and did the same thing. I associated this statement with relatedness because at first, the guy liked her for who she was and they clearly had an affectionate relationship at one point in time. They created a social bond, because before he found a new girls smile to start drawing, he seemed to care about her.
"I became very disturbed when a 5yr old boy said to me, Oh take me under the water so I can be sent up to heaven." This statement made me think the opposite of the first statement. As for the guy above, he was able to bond with multiple people, whereas this 5 year old probably didn’t have enough people to bond to. Therefore, relatedness is termed as a “need”. No child would want to die, unless they lost someone they loved and they thought it was the only way to be together, or they had no one to turn to in times of need. This boy had a lack of relatedness.
“I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.” This reminded of a class discussion we had about autonomy, and I can relate it to many teachers I have had in the past. When a teacher feels the need to be too controlling, it causes confrontation. Especially a new teacher that may feel the need to be strict in order to gain respect, when in reality, they are doing just the opposite. By giving the students a feeling of independence, she probably wouldn’t have so many problems that would send her crying home every day. Also, teachers are all about teaching new concepts and creativity. When providing autonomy to individuals, they are more inclined to learn, intrinsically motivated to pay attention and are more creative.
“While the other kids made a snowman and the adults conversed indoors, I slipped off the dock into the snowy lake and had to be my own hero at age 7.” One of the key environmental conditions that involve our need for competence is optimal challenge. This child decided on his own to leave the other children and not tell the parents (autonomy) and the result was saving his self. The fact that he was knowledgeable enough to swim out of an icy lake showed his competence of swimming.
Terms: Autonomy, Independence, relatedness, social bond, competence, intrinsically motivated
Well, you were certainly right in saying that they are addicting. I read through several months worth of both websites. Most of them turned out to be confessions of some kind or another and most ended up being very depressing, talking about lost love, past mistakes, grievances against them or against others. While I was going through them sometimes I couldn’t help but think, ‘what a bunch of whiners, all they do is piss and moan about their tough lot in life’ and ‘wow, dramatic much!’. And for others I thought this was probably a great way to get immense pressures off of their chests. After reading a few they reminded me of some of my own posts that I could make but probably never will. One example from OneSentence was, “After reading a box of old greeting cards from my parents, I realized for the first time that the only card my dad ever signed “Love, Dad” was the last one he ever gave me before he unexpectedly died.” And one from PostSecret, “I flew to California to spend the weekend with a married ex-boyfriend. I told my family that I was going gambling. I think I lost my heart.”
I believe that these two posts just go to show how much people crave to cultivate relatedness between ourselves and other individuals. One post talks about how much they miss their father or about their love affair with another person. In class we discussed the elements that create a ‘good’ relationship. It included our interactions with others, our perception of social bonds with others, the reciprocity of the relationships, and internalization. When we as individuals lack these bonds with others we seek to find them elsewhere. In most of the posts, including these two, some aspect of their relationship was missing or had been violated. One woman was missing her relationship with her dad, she wasn’t feeling loved and she felt there was little to no reciprocity from her father until she found this letter. However, the letter does not totally repair the damage so she shares it with the online community and receives some reciprocity(ratings) from people online. The person having an affair clearly did not rate her interaction with her own family as fulfilling so she set out to be fulfilled with an old love interest. After being with him for a weekend she reports that it is much better than her familial relationships and will probably seek to meet with the ex-boyfriend again in the future because he meets her psychological need of relatedness. Both of these individuals were so driven by their need to seek relatedness which drove them intrinsically to behave in the manner that they did. These stories were interesting, gossip, and yet thought provoking.
Terms: relatedness, motivation, perception of social bonds, reciprocity, internalization, interactions with others, intrinsically motivated
This was my first time visiting these sites and I found them really interesting. My favorite was OneSentence because it is amazing what you can get across in just one sentence. It is amazing what some of these people post and because it is pretty much anonymous you can say what is on your mind and nobody will know you said it. Some of these posts were really deep, some of them were really sweet, and some were really surprising.
One of the examples that I choose to use was a post by Jane on OneSentence.org and her post was, “While the other kids made a snowman and the adults conversed indoors, I slipped off the dock into the snowy lake and had to be my own hero at age 7.” It was amazing that she had the competence to realize that nobody was paying attention and the kids were playing and the adults were talking and if she didn’t get out of the water that she would drown and/or freeze to death.
The next post that I wanted to comment on was a post by Moma on OneSentence.org and her post was, “After a small congratulatory yay for Hawaii's gay rights, I learned that coming out to my dad wouldn't just cost me another guilt tripping lecture, but the right to call him dad.” This was a saddening post for me because I don’t think that anyone should just disown their child like this, but it also shows the relatedness that she felt like she had with her father to be able to tell him that, but he didn’t see it the same way.
Terms Used: relatedness, competence
I read a few pages from onesentence.com. I found most of them to be written by people who were sad about something, so they made me feel bad for the writers. I was surprised that people posted such personal things on the internet, but it makes sense since it was anonymous. I read posts about so many different topics.
A post I found on onesentence was, “I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.” This post reflects the absence of competence. The book says we all strive for competence in all areas of our lives involving work. It sounds like this woman feels like she is in over her head and doesn’t feel like she completely knows what she is doing. She may be good teacher, but she does not feel like she was excelling. The book mentioned that people may experience distress when they are lacking one of the psychological needs.
Another post was, “You said my crooked smile was amazing to draw, but then I found you loved to draw her perfect one better.” This onesentence entry displays the psychological need for relatedness. This woman was seeking an emotional connection and felt rejected when the man in the entry found someone else. Her hurt is probably increased by the feeling that she isn’t as good or pretty as the other girl this guy is with.
Terms: competence, psychological need, relatedness.
I chose to read onesentence.org. It was kind of a downer to read most of these. Especially since today is such a beautiful day outdoors. They were a downer in the sense that it made me feel sorry that I couldn’t help that person, sorry they are in this situation, and sorry that they are experiencing things that someone should never have to. Some of the sentences made me think how glad I was that it wasn’t me and that I haven’t encountered that situation yet. However, some of them were very easy for me to relate to and understand and they made remember experiences that I try to forget.
One comment that expressed material obviously relating to the material said, “I went to college to discover things about myself, not expecting to discover that I was lactose intolerant.” Going to college to discover things about themselves shows that they were trying to fulfill their needs for autonomy and competence. Trying to figure out who they are and what they believe shows that they are looking for autonomy. For college students this is their first time away from home and the first chance to be able to make their own decisions. Making your own decisions and being able to control what you do is autonomy. This person went to college to satisfy that need for autonomy. This is also competence because the student is also going to college to be just as “good” as others. Even though it wasn’t a part of the question, physiological needs are also in here. Since the person is lactose intolerant, they will have to alter how they satisfy the physiological need of hunger.
Another comment said “I’ve spent 20 years being worried about how much taller I am than all the boys, and in 7 minutes I fell in love with a boy in a wheelchair.” This comment is evidence of relatedness. This person is desiring a communal relationship but hasn’t been able to find one because of her insecurities with her height. The sentence makes it sound like she felt like she would never find someone because she was so tall. This created a lack of the psychological need for relatedness. However, after meeting the physically disabled individual, she was able to satisfy that need for relatedness by developing a relationship with this person.
Terms Used: Autonomy, Competence, Physiological Needs, Hunger, Relatedness, Communal Relationship, And Psychological Need
While I was scrolling down the Post Secret page, the first thing that I experienced was curiosity. It made me want to think about each individual secret and try to fill in the blanks like it was a mystery. I wanted to know what they meant by what they said, but at the same time I felt like they were straight forward. It didn’t matter the details, there were enough words there to free a person from any guilt or emotions. I immediately thought of relatedness after reading over the first few posts. The website is like a community where everyone can share their feelings and relate to one another’s as well. I think that more people can experience the physiological need of relatedness on a much stronger level when the people are anonymous. More people can come out and voice their emotions without the fear of being judged or ashamed. It makes for a peaceful place. What stands out on the site about competence is that there were a lot of people who seemed to be not as effective when it comes to interacting with their environment. I gathered a lot of sad post but also a good amount of humorous ones and it seems to me that many of the people strive to be autonomous and stand up for themselves. I had never heard of the one sentence website so it was interesting to scroll through and see how it related to post secret. The same physiological trends occurred with people confessing to thinks affecting their autonomy, competence, and relatedness. Overall, I think that both websites are interesting and a really good way to people relate to one another or just get something off their chest. Reading through some did bum me out though because sometimes it can get depressing.
“I drove extra slow to the airport…just to have 10 more minutes with you…”
This post shows that the person who wrote is feel the desire and need for relatedness to someone else. The autonomy of this person is self-directed because of their attachment to this other person now.
“It felt better to throw up two pounds of ice cream than it did to shovel it down.”
This post is a good example of using websites like these to confess something in order to make you feel better about doing something harmful.
Terms: physiological needs, autonomy, competence, relatedness
I chose to read onesentence.org, and I looked over various entries on the website that portrayed all sorts of emotions: happy, depressed, angry, comical, etc. Depending on the subject of the entry determined how I felt about it. Some made me laugh out loud, while others just made my heart hurt. And it made me wonder why people are okay with posting such personal things. I suppose it’s mainly because they feel since they can post anonymously it’s okay because they still get to divulge their secrets. I also feel that people post on sites like onesentece.org because they feel like they are fulfilling their psychological need of relatedness because like the books says, people want to feel like they belong. Thus, by posting their condensed story they feel like they belong to that online community and they may share similar stories with other people and that they can be their “true self.”
One of the entries I read that I felt represented a true lack of autonomy was about rape. The entry was, “ I remember saying ’no.’ ” (http://www.onesentence.org/stories/2405/). The autonomy of the individual was taken away because when they voiced their opinion, which unheard/ignored by the person who forced them to engage in intercourse. Thus, the perpetrator took away any sense of volition from the victim.
Another entry that I thought represented competency really well was this one, " ‘One minute left,’ the proctor droned, and I cringed at the 10 empty answer blocks of a 20 question test.” (http://www.onesentence.org/stories/3926/). The person in this entry was probably feeling like the task that they had to engage in didn’t match their challenge and skill level, so it disrupted their flow. It also seems like this test was very important and it wouldn’t allow for failure tolerance, so that likely affected the person’s competency level.
Terms used: emotions, psychological needs, relatedness, autonomy, competency, volition, flow, failure tolerance.
I have been to postsecret before but this was my first time ever going to one sentence. My experience was that I could see people using these websites as an outline. Some way to get their word out but still keep it anonymous. With postsecret I think they use it for a suicide prevention cause and I can definitely see how it would work. When people hold secrets inside it can be psychologically damaging and eat away at them. While I was reading these postcards and secrets I thought that some of them were pretty deep. They were big secrets and for some of them I hope they actually went and told someone because I feel like that would help them get through it better. These websites make me think about the people who may now feel relieved because they got their secrets off their chest. That is probably a very good feeling for them.
My first example is from postsecret. The secret said, "I buy valentine's day cards, so the check out person thinks I have someone to give them to. I Don't". To me that is someone screaming for a friend or a relationship. This person wants competence. This person wants interaction with their surroundings and in relationships. Especially, during certain times of the year, I can see people doing this. Two key holiday's that might make people feel alone more than usual would be Christmas and Valentine's Day. This same postsecret I could see having the psychological need of someone looking for relatedness. Around valentine's day people just want to fit in and relate to other people. Another postcard I liked was the postcard that read, "This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying. I can wait for happiness. And I will." To me, that is a very powerful postcard! That is someone who has a high amount of autonomy. This person wants to get married on her time and when she wants too. She is doing things how she wants to. She has decided that, that is how she wants to spend her life. She wants to wait to find someone who makes her happy. That is a great example of autonomy. Although, those are just two example of how these websites fit with chapter six, they can all relate to some part of our psychological needs.
Terms: Competence, Relatedness, Autonomy, Psychological needs
When I sat down to write this blog post, it was 5 o’clock on a Wednesday. I never got the blog written because I couldn’t stop reading onesentence.com. Reading each sentence brought strong emotions to me and made me long to hug each and every writer.
I think one of the main motivators of the people writing the sentences is the need for autonomy. Autonomy is the need to be self-directed. The writers of each posts were completely in control of what they were saying, how it was being said, and when it was being said. By making all the choices concerning their post, they were meeting the psychological need of feeling in control.
One post that I really connected to was posted with the username “Mother” the post said, “There is nothing worse than seeing kids carrying a kids coffin.” When I read that sentence, I was close to tears. Those 11 words managed to convey so much pain that I couldn’t help but feel her sorrow. I pictured a women sitting at the computer, feeling lost after burying her son. As a mother, she probably felt useless because she couldn’t save her son and lost all sense of competence. Most mothers’ feel a very strong need to protect their children, and this mother had lost all control of her son. She had lost all autonomy.
Another post that caught was the following, “His old, worn-out pair of Wellington boots haven't moved from their spot on the back porch in 10 years.” This post relayed such a sense of loss and sorrow, that I was hurting for the person who wrote this. I just pictured someone looking longingly at those boots, praying that their owner would somehow put them on one more time.
I’m very familiar with the Post Secret website, addicted actually. In fact, I attended Post Secret Live when the founder, Frank Warren, visited UNI last semester. I get chills literally every Sunday I read the new posts. I get a mix of emotions because the secrets range from happy, funny, light hearted secrets to dark, sad, depressing confessions. The secrets make you appreciate what you have and can really motivate you to be a better more positive person. I was unfamiliar with the OneSentence site before this assignment. I found this site to send chills just like Post Secret. However, I’m more intrigued by Post Secret because of the method of sending in a secret. For someone to type on the computer their “one sentence” doesn’t require as much effort and motivation as for someone to send in a post card. Post Secrets, in my opinion, have more credibility.
Because of the Valentine’s Day theme this week, many of the post secret cards were connected to the psychological need of relatedness. There were two in particular I felt really showed this. The first stated, “I buy valentine day cards so the check out person thinks I have someone to send them to. I don’t.” This person is feeling lonely and upset on a holiday that is all about appreciating those you love and those who love you. Unfortunately this person lacks relatedness with others. He or she is probably not completely alone in the world, but the person most likely hasn’t made any long standing, dependable friendships. This would be a case where a person has exchange relationships between acquaintances yet no communal relationships with close friends and family who emotional care and support each other. The second secret that really screamed a need for relatedness stated the following, “I flew to California to spend the weekend with a married ex-boyfriend. I told my family that I was going gambling. I think I lost my heart.” This person has other communal relationships with her family; however she still has a need for a more intimate relatedness feeling with a significant other. She is looking for someone to provide her with warmth, care, and concern. I think she feels like something is missing and that her need is not satisfied by the relationships she has now.
Terms: Relatedness, exchange relationship, communal relationship
I have heard of both of these sites but never visited them until now. Most of the postcards/sentences were regarding a negative experience the writer was involved in. I've always had an opinion that these websites are not healthy or therapeutic. I think they're for entertainment only, which is fine, but I think they're disguised as a form of stress relief. I also think they offer people a sense of relatedness that is not real. The information to me seems supericial, giving people gratification through the illusion of attention.
But... they are fun. And addicting. I found some of the positive submissions heartwarming, which contradicts my theory of 'non-relatednes.' Anyway, one my favorites was a post-card with a picture of a bridge on it. There was text written across the top that said "I will marry you on this bridge someday." There was a line of text on the bottom that said "stop shaking your head." I thought this showed the psychological desire to create strong emotional bonds with people. It also revealed the writers desire for autonomy. He or She wanted their partner to read veiw this site, see that picture, think "i know that bridge" then read the last line, and if all goes right, look up at their partner while shaking their head and smiling. This postcard is setting up a situation that requires a lot of control by the writer. My favorite sentence from onesentence was "When a strange man wouldn't quit staring at me while I nursed, I finally lost it and asked him if he wanted some for his coffee." This shows relatedness, automony and competence.
In all honesty, I experienced a range of emotions while exploring OneSentence and PostSecret. Some of the posts were funny while others were very tragic. Every human emotion seemed to be represented amongst the posts. While some were very serious and had profound meaning, other posts were just silly and light-hearted. Reading these posts was addicting. The main thing I got from reading these posts is the thought that we are all fundamentally alike. We all have the same desires, or as it turns out, psychological needs: autonomy, competence, and relatedness. I found these motivations in many of the posts on these websites.
The first post I found that illustrated a psychological need was from PostSecret. The postcard had a picture of a vase of heart suckers, and someone wrote across the picture, “I buy Valentine day cards so the check out person thinks I have someone to give them to. I don’t.” This example illustrates the need for relatedness. I can imagine that many people experience an increased need for relatedness on Valentine’s day because people crave the close, intimate relationships such as the ones with significant others. Our relatedness need will not be fulfilled by the number of acquaintances that we have but through the relationships were the other person cares for your welfare and likes you as a person. These types of relationships are called communal relationships.
The second post I chose was from OneSentence. The post says, “It took me getting pregnant at 18 for my family to finally realize I’m not a child anymore.” [http://www.onesentence.org/stories/1641/] This post clearly illustrates the author’s need for autonomy, or the need to experience self-direction and regulation of one’s behavior. From the post, I might infer that her family environment was high in autonomy control, which may have caused the author to rebel to assert her own autonomy. Autonomy control is the interpersonal sentiment and behavior to pressure another toward compliance with a prescribed way of thinking, feeling, or behaving. Had the family taken an autonomy support, the author might not have felt the need to rebel against the external regulations that the family had put on her.
The last post I chose was also from OneSentence and it illustrates the third psychological need: competence. The post says, “I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.” [http://www.onesentence.org/stories/4121/] From this sentence, I was given the impression that the author felt overwhelmed or incompetent in her job as an educator. When a challenge overwhelms our skills or resources, the result is a threat to our competence need. We need to feel effective in our interactions with our environment and we tend to seek out optimal challenges that match our skill set. It seems to me that the teacher’s competence need is being threatened by the demands of her new position, which is having a negative impact on her psychological well-being.
There were so many other examples of people’s psychological needs in the posts I read. A common thought was a need to feel included or wanted (relatedness) or thoughts of failure or defeat (competence). Ultimately, I found that underlying everyone’s facades, we all have the same basic desires. In a way, I find that comforting.
Terms: autonomy, relatedness, competence, psychological needs, communal relationships, autonomy support
I had never been to either of these websites, but they were both very interesting (in a positive way). There were things that were funny, awkward to disclose, sad, distressing, nice, there was just such a variety. In the one sentence stories it was interesting to see how much emotion and information was packed in. Some of these just made me really sad, just talking about the death of loved ones. Others made me feel empathetic towards their situation such as lost love, or hopelessness. There were also funny ones that made me laugh, looking at the awkward misfortunes of some people. They made me think a lot about my life, and some of the things I agreed with and have seen in my life, or felt a similar way. Other posts made me thankful for the life I live.
One of the posts I read in One Sentence stories was “I couldn't bear to tell the girl I loved that I was only dreaming and that she was merely a figment of my imagination, so I kissed her, and as the world lost its color, I slowly woke up.” This post just expressed this man’s (just an assumption) desire to have the love of a woman. He describes waking up as “the world lost its color” this just shows how he desires for this to happen in his life, but clearly it is not. This sense of belonging is the psychological need of relatedness, and it is really impacting this man’s life.
Another post from PostSecret was “I fell in love with a conman whose only interest in mw was for a green card. I should have known better”. This woman is upset because she has a lack of relatedness from someone she obviously cared deeply for. She is also upset with her lack of competence in realizing that this man was just using her. This secret is obviously very upsetting for her and she feels like she should have known better.
The last post I looked at was “Some of my friends made me so mad today that I think I just might keep the Christmas presents I just wrapped for them.” This shows the persons desire for autonomy. It is clear that they feel a sense of satisfaction by not giving these people their Christmas gifts. Clearly these people have hurt this individual and they desire to show them the consequences.
Terms: Psychological, relatedness, competence, autonomy
People Need
Well after reading the sites of post secrets and one sentences I read some things I expected, but I also read some things that shocked me. The things that I expected included posts that were trying to be inspirational such as “I never believed in forever until you” or people trying to be cute and share special things like “When you told me you deepest darkest secret, a secret you thought made you a bad person that’s when you looked the most beautiful and I knew I really do love you”. I even expected people declaring love for someone else like the post that went “So there’s this guy…and he’s amazing, and I hope he’s reading this right now”. However I did not expect the negative ones declaring some private almost hurtful thing such as “I hate him for not leaving me”, or “My valentine gave me herpes”. I think the most shocking think I happened to read was “I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend I want to fuck him with a strap on”. I don’t think I’d ever be able to post anything on either of these sites whether it be shocking or cute I like my private personal life just that private and personal. So after reading all of these posts, with most of them being on the more shocking or depressing side, I couldn’t feel anything but shock and amazement at what people are willing to post to complete strangers and the world. I get the whole anonymous thing but geeze, if I posted anything private I think my cheeks would still turn red every time I thought of someone else reading it.
If I were to analyze these comments or glimpses into people’s personal lives I suppose they all have a reason to share these things the way that they did. For example the post of “My valentine gave me herpes”, this person is probably embarrassed as ever that this happened to him or her. Now we don’t know the exact circumstances, it could have been a one-time thing or it could have simply been a slip from a long term relationship without protection, in any case the situation bears humiliation and the writer of this post may feel like he or she has no one they know that they want to share this humiliation with but they have to simply share it and can’t keep it locked up inside. So as a result they turn to posting it online with the element of people not knowing who they are put still fulfilling the need of sharing it. This need to share stems of off the psychological need of relatedness. This need is directly from the book stating how each of us has needs to connect with others on certain levels. Even the post of “I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend I want to fuck him with a strap on” comes from some urge to share or make a connection and get it out there. This person also is probably scared of rejection on some level so as an outlet he or she posts to get it out there or off their chest.
Terms: psychological needs, relatedness
I had never been to either of these websites, but they were both very interesting (in a positive way). There were things that were funny, awkward to disclose, sad, distressing, nice, there was just such a variety. In the one sentence stories it was interesting to see how much emotion and information was packed in. Some of these just made me really sad, just talking about the death of loved ones. Others made me feel empathetic towards their situation such as lost love, or hopelessness. There were also funny ones that made me laugh, looking at the awkward misfortunes of some people. They made me think a lot about my life, and some of the things I agreed with and have seen in my life, or felt a similar way. Other posts made me thankful for the life I live.
One of the posts I read in One Sentence stories was “I couldn't bear to tell the girl I loved that I was only dreaming and that she was merely a figment of my imagination, so I kissed her, and as the world lost its color, I slowly woke up.” This post just expressed this man’s (just an assumption) desire to have the love of a woman. He describes waking up as “the world lost its color” this just shows how he desires for this to happen in his life, but clearly it is not. This sense of belonging is the psychological need of relatedness, and it is really impacting this man’s life.
Another post from PostSecret was “I fell in love with a conman whose only interest in mw was for a green card. I should have known better”. This woman is upset because she has a lack of relatedness from someone she obviously cared deeply for. She is also upset with her lack of competence in realizing that this man was just using her. This secret is obviously very upsetting for her and she feels like she should have known better.
The last post I looked at was “Some of my friends made me so mad today that I think I just might keep the Christmas presents I just wrapped for them.” This shows the persons desire for autonomy. It is clear that they feel a sense of satisfaction by not giving these people their Christmas gifts. Clearly these people have hurt this individual and they desire to show them the consequences.
Terms: Psychological, relatedness, competence, autonomy
**NSFW**
I looked at the PostSecret site first. I thought that the cards were pretty depressing, for the most part. There seemed to be a pretty hefty negative affect:positive affect ratio. Maybe the people who are happy have other things to do with their time, or other ways to share their feelings? I hadn’t read very many before I stopped and called my girlfriend (psychological need for relatedness).
This card shows a psychological need, but I don’t think it is the obvious one. Maybe it is the need for competence (if she wants to prove herself equal to her boyfriend); or perhaps the need for autonomy (if she wants to have the same options that he does). Maybe even the need for relatedness (if she wants him to know the ‘authentic’ her). She definitely seems to desire an internal locus of control.
Let’s just hope he’s a light sleeper.
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0nRdHeCPBZ0/TzaGwtP-ilI/AAAAAAAASBc/6KtEusiRqU4/s1600/onback.itookthelabelmakerfromworktomakethis.jpg
So sad :o(
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-xqY4pHKEeOM/TzaF59lJUJI/AAAAAAAAR-8/N68mtX4vW_8/s1600/19800629.jpg
That card seemed fairly representative of the lot. I think that most of the cards speak to the psychological need for relatedness. Most of these people seem to feel disconnected -- either from humanity as a whole, or from some particular significant person. I think that the authors want to feel cherished: to have someone know them (their authentic selves), like them, and care for them.
If that’s the case, I think that they would be better off reaching out to a real person (who might actually be able to fulfill their needs), rather than sharing their feelings anonymously with the internet.
What I found most interesting was the fact that, way down at the very bottom of the page, there was a link to this site:
http://suicideprevention.wikia.com/wiki/International_Suicide_Prevention_Directory
Clearly, they know their audience.
I also looked at the OneSentence site. It just seemed like more of the same. Again, most of the posts were tragic, and seemed to express a desire to share a real connection with someone -- but it’s not even as optimistic as putting a note in a bottle and throwing it out to sea. (Because people actually do find those once in awhile, and respond.)
Are you supposed to ‘Like’ a post like this?
http://www.onesentence.org/stories/4126/
Or this?
http://www.onesentence.org/stories/4121/
Many of the posts speak to a need for validation, a need to share an emotional experience with another human being, a need to be recognized and appreciated: all of which would fall under the rubric of ‘relatedness’.
I see that many of the bloggers here read much more deeply into the subtext than I did, and related the posts to the text in much more detail. I don't feel any lack of competence, but I can honestly say that I admire them for that.
This site, I think, has a better mix (and it is most certainly a crowd I would be happier hanging with):
http://textsfromlastnight.com/
This text, for example, speaks of the physiological need for reproduction and the psychological drive for sex (or perhaps the psychological need for relatedness, since she apparently desires a baby more than sex):
http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-33503.html
And this text speaks of the physiological need for food, and the psychological drive of hunger:
http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-36163.html
This one shares the same sense of disconnection as the posts from the other two sites -- but it is a hell of a lot funnier:
http://textsfromlastnight.com/Text-Replies-36089.html
Terms: psychological need, physiological need, reproduction, psychological drive, relatedness, competence, autonomy, cherished, negative affect, positive affect, internal locus of control, authentic
I have never heard of PostSecret or One Sentence before. I liked that PostSecret has picutres along with their entries. I did not like in One Sentence that you can rate their entries. Most of the PostSecret ones were about Valentine's Day, I dislike Valentine's Day so I kind of wanted to gag at most of them. But the hopeless romantic side of me thought some of them were touching, sincere, and demonstrated raw emotions. Some of the entries expressed their love, while others expressed their sorrows or regrets and some were funny. I thought that most of the entries on One Sentence were kind of like twitter tweets.
Almost all of the entries for Valentine's Day were about relatedness. Valentine's Day is about spending time with that "special someone" and showing them how you care. One of the entries that I found interesting was "I buy Valentine Day card's so the check out person thinks I have someone to give them to. I don't." This demonstrates relatedness because this person is buying Valentine's Day cards to fool people into thinking that she has someone even though she does not. This person buys Valentine's Day cards in yearning to have someone to send one to. This also could demonstrate competence, or lack thereof. This person must be single if they do not have a person to give a Valentine's Day card to. They might be feeling the lack of competence to acquire or keep a relationship. I think there is an extrinsic motivation for buying the Valentine's Day cards even though they do not have someone to give them to. The extrinsic motivation could be so they are not judged or pitied by people or the check out person for not having a Valentine.
The next entry was like out of a movie. "In the dressing room at my wedding the man who broke my heart busted in and begged forgiveness ad purposed. I rejected him as to not break my grooms heart the way he broke mine." I half expected this to turn out that she agreed to the man's proposal, but I was glad she rejected him. This entry is full of relatedness. The man who busted into her dressing room, wanted to rekindle the relationship he had with her because he missed her and this was his last chance. He also might have felt bad for breaking her heart. The bride had to choose between her relationship with her soon-to-be husband or the one who broke her heart. She chose her groom because she did not want him to feel the same way she did when the other man broke her heart. It also shows that her relationship with the groom was stronger than the relationship with the man who busted in. The man who busted in also displayed autonomy. He decided to go, beg forgiveness, and proposed on the day she was getting married. He could have chosen any other day, but he chose that day she was going to get married. The bride decided to reject him and chose to marry the groom.
TERMS: relatedness, competence, extrinsic motivation, autonomy
I have been to a site similar to these before and it always amazes me to read what people have written. Many of the posts made me wish I could find the person who wrote it and help somehow, others are simply humorous, and some inspiring. It made me think about what I would post, knowing that no one would know it was me. That is why people feel free to post such shocking sentences, because they can be completely anonymous and not feel judged for them. I'm sure it provides a sense of relief in some way to be able to share such secrets.
I visited both sites but the quotes I'll be using came from OneSentence. "I realized I was lonely when i started kissing the sides of my fishtank to say good night to my fish." Reading this was a clear relation to lack of affiliation and intimacy, a social need. These need states that people have a desire to establish, maintain, or restore a positive relationship with another person. More so than affiliation, I think this person is experiencing a lack of intimacy, or the social motive for engaging in warm, close, positive interpersonal relations.
Another post from OneSentence "I may regret sleeping with him, but I still think that it was the sexiest thing I'd ever heard when he said he was taking Computational Origami." I believe this post can be related not only to sexual needs but also sexual scripts. Clearly this person had a need for intimacy (sex), a physiological need, so when the guy started talking about a specific topic they began engaging in a sexual script. I can't say for certain but the male could have been engaging in the three linear stages in the sex response cycle of desire (excitement), arousal, and orgasm. While for the girl, she was more engaged in what he was talking about than the actual physical act.
A lot of the posts on these websites clearly show an array of psychological needs. I think a majority of them show a lack of a need.
Terms: affiliation and intimacy, social need, physiological need, sexual script
I really love reading PostSecret's site and books. Some of the things tat get sent in are really heartbreaking, but it's incredible how much people with share with the whole world. I'd never heard of OneSentence before. It's kindof like looking at little pieces of people's worlds and wondering what else is going on in them.
http://www.onesentence.org/stories/4125/
In this post, it seems that whoever submitted it needs to tell it to someone but is afraid of what the repercussions might be. I think this could be relatedness for a number of reasons. First off, this person has grown up in a world where drugs are bad and people who do them will get arrested/fined/sent to jail/etc. Something that would be valued is telling someone that she found drugs/drug paraphernalia in her brother-in-law's room. She's internalized this value because it helps her to belong to the social group. She also has probably internalized a value of supporting one's family and turning her brother-in-law in would be going against her family and make her feel separated from them. She might be struggling with the decision to either protect her family values or protect her social values while trying to find a way to maintain her relatedness with both. OneSentence provides such an outlet. She can satisfy her need for relatedness within this culture by telling somebody, even if it's an Internet full of strangers, about her find. At the same time, she can protect her family because the site is anonymous.
My favorite PostSecret is this one:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-x-ps2-HNT5U/TzaGaJZsVSI/AAAAAAAASAg/uMSPsOPvl0M/s1600/andiwill.jpg
I think this one speaks to the fulfillment of all of the psychological needs. This person is experiencing autonomy by letting go of personal things that have controlled their behaviors and cognitions. Instead of the environment stifling their autonomy, their own thoughts were. They feel more free now that they can make decisions without worry about how things will affect their marriageability. This also sounds like competence. This person has been able to get through something tough and has come out on the other side, which is a feeling that most people enjoy. Instead of succumbing to their own negative thoughts, this person overcame a real challenge and changed themselves. The experienced mastery over the situation, which is very rewarding. The feedback is that they feel better, so it was positive and rewarding, further supporting the need for competence. This can also feed the need for relatedness, as I feel all of the secrets can. This person wanted to send in this secret to tell somebody, anywhere, just to know that somebody had heard them. This was their way of communicating something that maybe they felt they couldn't share with the people in their life. By sending this in, the person became part of a community of secret-sharers held together by the postcards they send in. Even without developing new relationships through the interaction, this person can feel more connected to people due to the nature of PostSecret.
Terms:relatedness, autonomy, competence, positive feedback, reward, internalize, psychological need
I experienced a rollercoaster of emotions as I browsed through postsecret.com andonesentence.org. Some of the things I read made me laugh and some of the things people wrote were just sad and depressing. The things people wrote were so raw and real. As I was reading these posts, I thought to myself, there is no way most people would be comfortable sharing these thoughts with others if they weren’t anonymous. The post ranged from hopeful and humorous to sad and hopeless. Reading these posts made me think about a lot. As I read some of the posts I was honestly happy just not to be in that position. It also made me think about just how ironic some things are in life. I could relate to some of the things I read, because I too have felt many of the emotions that these people have. My favorite posts to read were on postsecret.com, I laughed so much, and maybe I have a twisted sense of humor.
I laughed at the post that said “I flew to California to spend the weekend with a married ex-boyfriend. I told my family I was going gambling. I think I lost my heart.” These women didn’t exactly lie to her family she told them she was going gambling. Turns out she was just gambling her heart, she wasn’t sure if she and her ex would fall in love again but she gave into her psychological need for relatedness. She wanted to feel love and a connection again, even if that meant taking a risk and breaking up a marriage. This woman really just wanted love and to be happy and giddy about someone. She wanted to feel a closeness and comfort in her partner. She needed a communal and exchange relationship and she thought she could find that with someone whom she had already been with. This woman obviously had people in her life(family) and relationships but she lacked an intimate relationship. Many of the posts were about love since valentines just passed, but I’m a hopeless romantic so I enjoyed reading these posts.
Another post I found quite humorous and interesting was the post “I don’t know how to tell my boyfriend, I want to fuck him with a strap-on.” This isn’t the typical conversation one would have with their boyfriend. This girl has a psychological need for autonomy and relatedness. She really wants to suggest using a strap- on to her boyfriend but her need for relatedness is stronger than her need for autonomy. As much as she wants to give into her needs and tell her boyfriend what she truly wants she doesn’t want to risk losing her intimate relationship she has with her boyfriend. She fears that her boyfriend will judge her and break up with her possibly even telling other people what she wants to do. This could also potentially ruin not only her relationship but her friendships. For most people this is not a normal activity, she doesn’t want people to think she’s weird and not fit in anymore. She needs to maintain friendships and relationship in order to satisfy her need for relatedness.
terms: autonomy, relatedness, intimate relationships,communal and exchange relationships,
Reading the post was a great experience. I really enjoyed it, and even had one of my friends looking over my shoulder reading them. Upon reading these posts so many different emotions can be brought up. Some of the posts bring hope and happiness, while others are quite sad and depressing. I really liked the posts from post secret more than those from the One Sentence site. People are so creative and make such wonderful post cards. It’s wonderful to have the chance to see into people’s private lives that we would otherwise never have the chance to see. The comments they post are so intimate and open. I rarely run into people that share such private information, but this allows people to do it privately. Some of the posts make me feel as if I already know them, when I sure I will never actually have the chance to even meet them.
“This is my final goodbye to the person inside of me who always told me I would never be worth marrying. I can wait for happiness, and I will.” This post represents a person who has developed optimal functioning and well-being. She is pursuing intrinsic goals and this has led her to a higher level of self-actualization and a greater self esteem. She basically says that she realizes now that she is worth marrying. This post demonstrates her psychological need for relatedness. She desires a spouse, but has obviously decided to wait for the right one because she is worth it.
“The cancer radiation nurse didn’t think it was funny when I asked her about the possibility of developing superpowers.” (Matt, Jan 19, 2012) This is a wonderful quote, because it shows just how brave and strong he really is. He is showing the psychological need for autonomy. The cancer may hurt his body, but it won’t take his sense of humor, his good attitude, or his life. His comment demonstrated his behavior, not being consumed by the awful situation he was in, but rather his desire for life. It also shows his need for relatedness. He was facing a very scary situation, and brings the nurse into the situation by striking up a funny comment towards her. While she did not reciprocate his sense of humor, I’m sure that she did not easily forget him.
“When you told me your deepest darkest secret that made you think you’re a bad person that’s when you looked the most beautiful and I knew I really do love you.” This post also demonstrated a psychological need for relatedness. This person is in a satisfying relationship in which the person desires to be even closer to their loved one, because this is an emotionally positive interaction for this person.
Terms: Optimal functioning and well-being, intrinsic goals, self-actualization, self esteem, psychological need, relatedness, behavior, emotionally positive interaction
A flood of different emotions filled my body as I visited these two websites. Judging by the recent Valentines Day there were an overwhelming number of posts from females as opposed to males. Either way, one moment I felt sad and the next I had to laugh out loud. I was shocked briefly then comforted the next. Every post had its own dynamic effect.
I had to smile at this comment, “The cancer radiation nurse didn't think it was funny when I asked her about the possibility of developing super powers.”. This comment struck a chord with me because one of my best friends Dad passed away earlier this fall from cancer. My friend is a huge comic book fan who will sometimes bring up situations where superpowers would be needed. I can picture my friend saying this for some reason (he's also kind of a smart ass). I see this example being related to the psychological need of relatedness. He was attempting some humor in a potentially dooming situation. I believe he was attempting to relate to his caregiver.
“It wasn't until I was loving no one that I fell in love with myself”. I feel this example has to do with autonomy. Before she didn't like herself I feel that she lacked autonomy. There may be some underlying issues in her life that we don't know about, but as far as I can guess by the way the post card is crafted and the suggested meaning of the sentence she seems pretty happy. I can only assume that after some bad relationships she decided to look out for herself first. After she started doing that she felt more self-directed and had more personal endorsement in her behavior.
Terms: psychological need, relatedness, autonomy, self directed.
My experience why reading these secrets is that people really don’t actually want to keep secrets. They want people to know about the good, the bad, and the ugly in their lives. Most of all they really want to relate to others. My take on the site was that it was an outlet for people to seek the psychological need of relatedness. Some of the secrets were sweet, loving, fun, and adorable. Others were incredibly sad or even painful. Some even sought to hurt others. It was interesting that there was such a variety in genre of post. Yet in the end, it was clear that everyone seemed to want to prove their own competence while relating to someone else.
Many of the secrets made me laugh. For the Valentine’s Day ones (which I read the most of) I found them very creative and sweet. However, many people seemed to vent about their lack of Valentine’s or their really bad love stories. They may me think that these individuals don’t have friends they can trust or that maybe they think they are really different and nobody can relate to them. In the case of the lovey Valentine’s many people’s post appeared to be bragging about the people they love. Why not brag somewhere everyone can see it? Have they heard of Facebook? Or better yet, they could tell people, like their friends, family, and/or partner.
Overall, the website was very entertaining in a vast variety of emotional ways. You were right when you said that it would be addicting. Perhaps my desire to continue scrolling down was in an attempt to find people to whom I could relate. Maybe the point of the website is not only for the secret posters to seek a Psychological need of relatedness, but also the readers desire the feeling or connecting with and understanding others. This desire to relate leads to the motivation or drive to continue reading. I stuck with reading the post on Post Secret because it was more animated with pictures and it’s more widely known. Popularity of the site helped me to focus more on it. Post Secret appears to be a therapeutic vent.
The following link goes to a post by a guy who
genuinely feels bad about being a “dick” in the past. It seems as if his post is his way of apologizing without actually having to “grow a pair” and do it. He said that he returned a letter to a girl with spelling corrections in red ink. He admits that he was a “dick”. It appears that he feels like even though he was competent in the situation where he was rude, he did the wrong thing. I think now he is searching for some feeling of control. It’s like he want to prove his competence in showing that he is now a knowledgeable individual in terms of his actions and he possess the skills for asking forgiveness. http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-Pgbs54D155A/TzaGF2v_srI/AAAAAAAAR_g/Z_vFp1I-4Bw/s1600/dick.jpg
I wonder if some of these people also post their secrets to show that they have autonomy in how they feel, think, and express themselves. They are able to decide what they post and when they post it. They can also decide whether or not they want to let their friends know that they posted it on the site. The link that follows goes to a message that really cracked me up. The person says that they buy themselves a Valentine’s Day card so that the check out person doesn’t think they don’t have anyone to give it too…even though they don’t. Perhaps this is to show that they are still in control of the holiday and what they decide to do with it. Just because they don’t have someone to give a card to doesn’t mean they can’t buy one. Further, nobody can tell them whether or not to buy a card. They simply do it because they want to and they posted the secret because they want to. They can feel autonomy in the situation be choosing what to buy, say, and post and do it if they want to. http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-b6P_oQOlojc/TzaGoJYpX8I/AAAAAAAASBE/uTUopgWaUcw/s1600/singleawarenessday.jpg
The above website that I just discussed in terms of autonomy also acts on relatedness as the girl bought the card because she wanted to relate to others who had special people to buy a card for. She had a desire to fit in with others and relate to society. She purchased the card so that people wouldn’t think she was weird, different, or without someone special in her life. Also, they are displaying that they are competent or in control over the situation that is Valentine’s Day. Perhaps she sought this feeling of competence as she felt the absence of competence when it came to controlling whether or not someone actually gave her a card. If someone gave her a card it would be their decision, not hers. She may have bought the card for herself in order to be in control.
Terms: competence, relatedness, psychological need, motivation, drive, emotions, competence, autonomy
I had heard of PostSecret before, but OneSentence was new to me. I chose to use OneSentence for this assignment because it was completely new to me. As I was reading these, I noticed that there was a range of feelings expressed in the sentences. Some were sad, others were happy, and some were humorous. The sad ones stuck out to me as I was reading them. I identified with the writers in some of their sentences. I felt sad as I read along with them, but was glad that I was not in that situation. I noticed that as I read, I tried to apply the sentences to individuals I know that are going or have gone through similar situations. I was trying to relate their experiences to myself. These sentences allowed me to see from a perspective that I may not have ever thought of.
“I told you everything and we cried together on my bedroom floor but the next morning I woke up and found you in the kitchen making him pancakes.” This was one of them that made me really sad. The individual had no perceived autonomy and was being abused. They did not have an internal perceived locus of causality because they had no say in what happened to them. They also did not have volition because they were obviously not comfortable around the person that abused them. The individual was also lacking relatedness. They do not have a high-quality, caring relationship with either the person they talked to or the abuser. They had hope that things were going to change for the better, but then they discovered that they were not. They had found relatedness for the night, but that was gone in the morning.
“I was warned that being a first year teacher was tough, but I did not know that would mean staying at school till 6 sometimes because I was crying too hard to drive home.” This one demonstrates a lack of the psychological need of competence. The teacher does not feel like she is doing well in her teaching and is probably confused and not sure how to improve her situation. She is not used to the environment yet and is therefore not sure how to conduct herself. She may not be getting the relatedness that she needs. Because she is a first year teacher, she probably has not developed connection with the community she teaches in. She might also feel like her students dislike her. She is probably still struggling with developing a structure for her class. All of these things would contribute to her negative affect.
Terms: perceived autonomy, internal perceived locus of causality, volition, relatedness, competence, structure
I never knew about these sites or this type of thing that was going on until this semester. It's weird because I have had two different classes that have directed me towards these sites recently. Obviously, they are intriguing to people.
I was fairly moved by the experience of reading these. All the readings range from humorous, shocking, and very disturbing. Reading these types of things, secrets of others, creates strong emotions in others who are reading them. Mostly because it's someones "secret", and secrets are usually secrets for a reason.
At first, a lot of these readings remind me of how cruel the world can be to people. Then, I start to think about how vulnerable people make themselves. I'm guilty of this too. WE all are guilty of this. I think we get ashamed of things (clearly like some people feel in these readings)and look at them like disabilities so we try to hide them from everyone. It's quite clear that people can't hold these things in forever.
The first example I have is a popular one which has also been used by some other classmates. "I buy valentine day cards so the check out person thinks I have someone to give them to." This sentence is not only appropriate for the recent holiday but it is also full of psychological needs. Just to scratch the surface though, we will consider relatedness and positive feedback. This person most likely has a lack of relatedness in their life. They are missing an important emotional connection with someone and it bothers him/her.
Whoever it is, could be buying these cards just for the positive feedback it gives them. Since they obviously don't have anyone to share valentines day with, it probably makes them feel good just acting as if they did. It's even possible that the clerk could give them direct positive feedback as they are checking out, so in this way it could be a bidirectional effect.
---- I became very disturbed when a 5yr old boy said to me, "Oh take me under the water so I can be sent up to heaven." ----- This was the other entry I read, it was on onesentence. I'm not going to talk about the person who wrote this, but the boy who said this to them. The child is having some autonomy and competence issues, probably a whole lot more than that. I think this child has a loss of competence mainly involved with life itself. I think the boy feels as if life has failed for him and their is no other way to fix it. Competence is the need to master ones activities, talents, to make progress. The boy needs a competence in larger aspects of his life before he can move on to sports etc.. Something is obviously wrong here.
Autonomy is an individuals self-direction towards their own behaviors throughout life. I don't think this child has any direction in life, he is probably lost and without this self-direction and needs some sort of guidance.
Terms: Psychological needs, Relatedness, Positive feedback, competence, and autonomy
First of all, I absolutely LOVE post secrets, I have been addicted since high school to reading peoples secrets, actually I have sent in a secret before... shhhh! I have never been to one sentence before, but I they are a lot like post secrets. i really enjoy post secrets more because people can put a picture to their thoughts, which shows their emotions or creativity in their post. I think it is so intriguing because all of these sentences and secrets are sent for the world to see by people that probably won't tell their closest friends their secrets. There is a sense of freedom in sending out your true feelings without the consequences of someone judging you on your thoughts and experiences, especially embarrassing and regrettable ones.
Examples:
"I think when I came out as an atheist to my christian parents I severed our relationship in a way that can never be repaired." I think this is an awesome example for this chapter. Often times, people define themselves by their religions and their autonomy is wrapped up in their faith. So when this sense of autonomy is broken in some way or a new sense of autonomy is reached spiritually, people often want to express their new autonomy to the people around them. I also think this secret is expressed as a need fulfillment of relatedness. I think that all of these post are made for a sense of relatedness towards others because they want others to read them and related to them or be moved by them. Often times people post anonymous things to feel like their are bonding with others in an impersonal way about the most personal information.
"I failed the class the first time on purpose. i wanted to retake it so I could flirt with you and eventually date you. All you wanted from me was a sex buddy! I guess teachers cam be whores." I think this is a perfect example for psychological needs. Often times as human beings we are desperate for others to love us and to bond with others in intimate relationships, in order to gain relatedness. However, on the other hand so people are looking for their physical needs to be met. Mating for sexual purposes/needs is a physical need for many people, if they are not looking for the psychological need of relatedness to be fulfilled.
Terms: emotions, freedom consequences, autonomy, relatedness, psychological needs, love, bond, intimate, physical needs, mating, sexual needs.
First secret:
http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-dxdQ4N1PKXY/T0gBOJqShpI/AAAAAAAASMc/mUcFXHYCqCw/s1600/unfogiven.jpg
Second secret:
http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-1IxokLF_Jag/T0gAsr63xCI/AAAAAAAASKk/xG6Z0p_5Yvc/s1600/presschargestoprotecttheothers.jpg