Some people in the world around me have had friends of friends, or just friends experience some sort of dating violence recently. For me this is a really touchy subject and something that I care deeply about, and am still trying to learn more about as well. I am Vice-President of the student organization here at UNI called Students Against A Violent Environment (S.A.V.E.) and we strive to educate others on violence, including dating violence. Now, of course when these situations occur I know all the "right" things to say like "You should not stay in this relationship" "You need to leave the home/apartment" "Here are the hotlines you can call for help" "It will happen again" and the list seems to get longer. However, these phrases all seem so empty, since I don't fully understand reasons as to WHY a person would want to stay in an abusive relationship. So, I decided to look this up. I was looking for more research-based evidence, however, every article I wished to look at, the Rod Library did not have access to, and so I became frustrated. So, I went a different route and looked at advocacy websites, and others. The one website I found to be the most clear is Advocacy Center: Domestic and Dating Violence.
This website not only reassured me that it was alright that I did not understand why a victim stays in an abusive relationship, it also went on to explain some reasons as to why victims stay. Fear is a motivator to stay because victims are so often threatened that they are scared to see what will happen when they do leave. This could not only be fear for themselves, but for others they care about such as children, family, pets, or friends. Victims could have low self-esteem due to various mind games and "put downs" for lack of a better term that would make the victims feel as though the abuse was actually their fault. Financial issues always arise, and the victims may depend on the abuser for income, and if the victim decide to leave, then the victim will fear they will not be able to support themselves. This fear of not being able to leave because of financial reasons escalates when there are children involved. The website makes a point to state that when chidlren are involved in the situation is different from an abusive environment without children.
The website continues to state that victims may believe that if they do what the abuser wants then they will be able to control the situation, or victims even hope the abuser will change themselves. It is also hard when victims do not have the support they need from friends or families, and don't know that help is available.
This website helped me to understand a little more about WHY a person would stay in an abusive relationship. However I would be interested in finding out more scientific based research. For instance, is there biological factor that plays a role, or is it purely psychological? Also, from an advocate standpoint, is their enough news, or advertisement on these issues?
So, being the advocate myself, I will add some links that are available here in our community for anyone who may be in an abusive relationship, or for those of you who may know someone who is and are wanting to help them get some assistance.
Seeds of Hope Iowa
http://www.seedsofhopeiowa.com/
UNI's Violence and Intervention Services
http://www.uni.edu/wellrec/wellness/sexualabuse/
This website not only reassured me that it was alright that I did not understand why a victim stays in an abusive relationship, it also went on to explain some reasons as to why victims stay. Fear is a motivator to stay because victims are so often threatened that they are scared to see what will happen when they do leave. This could not only be fear for themselves, but for others they care about such as children, family, pets, or friends. Victims could have low self-esteem due to various mind games and "put downs" for lack of a better term that would make the victims feel as though the abuse was actually their fault. Financial issues always arise, and the victims may depend on the abuser for income, and if the victim decide to leave, then the victim will fear they will not be able to support themselves. This fear of not being able to leave because of financial reasons escalates when there are children involved. The website makes a point to state that when chidlren are involved in the situation is different from an abusive environment without children.
The website continues to state that victims may believe that if they do what the abuser wants then they will be able to control the situation, or victims even hope the abuser will change themselves. It is also hard when victims do not have the support they need from friends or families, and don't know that help is available.
This website helped me to understand a little more about WHY a person would stay in an abusive relationship. However I would be interested in finding out more scientific based research. For instance, is there biological factor that plays a role, or is it purely psychological? Also, from an advocate standpoint, is their enough news, or advertisement on these issues?
So, being the advocate myself, I will add some links that are available here in our community for anyone who may be in an abusive relationship, or for those of you who may know someone who is and are wanting to help them get some assistance.
Seeds of Hope Iowa
http://www.seedsofhopeiowa.com/
UNI's Violence and Intervention Services
http://www.uni.edu/wellrec/wellness/sexualabuse/
From the many gender studies classes that I have taken over the course of college, I have learned that there are no biological factors that can predetermine a person that would be likely to stay in an abusive relationships. Also, there are no factors that address why someone would abuse, either. One thing that I find important to focus on is the idea that many people (mostly women) do not see leaving as a good alternative. For many of the reasons you have stated, financial constraints or fear of more negative repercussions, however there is also the fact that some women may fear simply being alone and see staying in their abusive relationship as a better alternative. Also, many women do not see small things as abuse. For instance, I have a friend whose husband has been extremely verbally abusive and recently has begun to get physically abusive. My friend doesn't want to go to the police for the sake of her children and out of fear that people will not take her seriously. This is a problem with our society. When people claim that a woman deserved to get hit because of something that she did, or deserved to be raped because of the clothes she was wearing, what does that say about our society? What does it say about the men in our society who accept this sort of logic and act accordingly? I do not mean to say that men are the only ones who are abusive, but lets face it, the majority of abuse is from men to women and men to other men. When you ask if there is enough advertisement on the issue I would say, on the contrary, there is much more advertisement and media that embraces male dominance and violence. One way that our society identifies masculinity is violence, so why would be expect not to see this being displayed in very negative forms such as domestic abuse and murder. To quote Jackson Katz, when events like this happen, it is not men working against societal norms but instead taking it to the extreme. All violence can be placed on a continuum and even the smallest acts should be seen as negative, not embraced as a positive outlet in which men can express their masculinity.
I don't think there is anything biological trends in women who find themselves in abusive relationships. However, a woman who grew up with an abusive father is more likely to be with an abusive partner. Likewise, men who grow up with an abusive father or mother is more likely to become an abuser. It is a huge problem in society that is being swept under the rug. It is not uncommon for people to question "why do they stay?" like you did. Unfortunately, often times that leads to blaming the victim: putting the woman at fault for the abusive relationship. Like you mentioned there are several factors (intrinsic and extrinsic motivators) that play into why a woman doesn't or feels she can't leave her abusive spouse: children, finances, emotional and psychological abuse, lack of support, lack of information, and probably many more.