I just received the new edition of Cosmo. After a few years of arguing with my mom about subscribing to the popular magazine, her comments about how "risque" and "sexual" the magazine's content is have settled down to a tolerable level.
This month, there is an article giving a few tips on how couples can stay in love.
Sloan, C. (March 2010). Habits of crazy-in-love couples. Cosmopolitan, 126-129.
1. Instead of complaining about his flaws, reframe your point of view so you appreciate all the good qualities about him.
2. Use "the soft start-up" when you fight. This includes things like not pointing fingers or flying off the handle - instead, calmly tell him you're upset and why. Or if you messed up, tell him you're sorry and that you understand why he is.
3. Mirror each other's bad habits, or have some agreement to what each of you feel is appropriate rule breaking.
4. Keep the fire alive in the bedroom. Basically, after the "new" wears off - what we all know as the "Honeymoon Stage" of the relationship - you need to communicate to make sure each of your needs (and, um, fantasies) are being met.
5. Continue learning new things about each other. Tell each other things about your past, or goals in your future. According to the article, finding out new things about each other causes dopamine to be released.
This article is pertinent to our course material for two reasons. First, Chapter 3 of our textbook specifically discusses dopamine. According to Reeve (2005), dopamine causes us to feel pleasure and good feelings (p. 61). The release of dopamine not only makes us feel good, but also enhances our functioning (Reeve, 2005, p. 61). This, then, could also improve relationships. Learning new things about each other seems like a simple task that could make huge improvements in a relationship by the aftershock - you not only immediately feel good from dopamine being released, but the relationship continues to flourish from being able to solve problems together, be creative, etc.
Secondly, Reeve (2005) discusses our need for relatedness (p. 122). This concept maintains that it's important for humans to interact with each other and form relationships. Furthermore, as humans, we actively look for positive interactions and partners to interact with (Reeve, 2005, p. 122). This can explain why the articles that Cosmo runs every month are so popular for people - the information is so applicable (who ISN'T looking to improve their relationships, even if "perfect"?!). These tips that Sloan offers in the Cosmo article apply to the need for relatedness because they have been given to Cosmo's readers to help us improve our satisfaction with the relationships we have with others. The article also is important for relatedness to understand that relationships have a better chance of survival when they are constantly positive - if not, Reeve states, we will look for others to partner with to fulfill our need for relatedness.
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