Her Top 10 1st Date Fears...

| 3 Comments
We were talking about situations last week in class, and I think the idea of a first date was tossed around.  It's ironic because I just went on a first date this weekend actually, so I thought it would be an appropriate thing to post about.

http://www.mensfitness.com/advice/dating_tips/284

The article is fun though because it's from Men's Fitness magazine, but it's her side of the story, what her top 10 date fears are.  Usually growing up, I flipped through Seventeen or other magazines like that reading about the men side.  The guy I went on a date with is read the article tonight actually and asked me if I thought any of it was accurate....so ladies feel free to browse it yourself. 
1. Is this a date?
2. Does he like what he sees?
3. Why won't he look me in the eyes?
4. Why did he pick this place?
5. How does he go about ordering dinner?
6. Is that a major wardrobe malfunction or a fashion statement?
7. Is he for real?
8. Should we do the check dance now?
9. So is the date over?
10. Does he want to see me again?

I will say that from my date the other night I was wondering about #'s 2, 8, & 10.  Oh the dance of dating...I'm trying to remember my emotions that came up that night.  I remember feeling excitement, curiousity, humor, etc. so in other words it was a good date.

What happens during a bad date?  I don't really date a lot...so I haven't per say had a bad date.  But I'm sure things like feeling annoyed, boring, anxiety, curiousity, disguist could be felt, and I'm so sorry for those of us who have been on a bad date, God bless you for surviving the night.  Do bad dates make us less or more motivated to keep dating other people, stop dating, etc?  What characteristics of a first date keep us on our toes and wanting another date soon after?  It does depend on the person and situation, but that is the positive and negative aspect of dating.  Oh to be young... 

3 Comments

I think the line between something being considered a "date" and a "hang out" has been increasingly blurred. I'm not advocating going back to the 1950s (although I would take the chivalry that came from guys back then!), but I think that this is why so many people have the anxieties of #1 - "is this a date?" Furthermore, it's even more difficult in high school and college, as I don't think it's as common for a guy to blatantly ask, "Do you want to go on a date?" as it is for one to ask "Wanna hang out sometime or something?"
I've been with my boyfriend now for 2 1/2 years... And we never actually went on "dates" that he specifically asked. As I'm sure a lot of you can relate to, we just began hanging out in groups, and then gradually started talking and hanging out alone.
However, I can vividly remember all of the emotions that I went through on our first "date." I did the whole girly thing - changing about 10 outfits before I realized that I had left him waiting for me for 15 minutes... which is when it hit me: Is this a date? Does he consider it a date, or just friends hanging out? Are his intentions to see where things go romantically, or just to hang out as friends?
Just like me, he also gets nervous in high-anxiety-provoking situations... It was just as hard for me as it was for him to make eye contact, or even to keep the conversation going. - this, carissaj, is what I would consider a not-so-good date... except that it worked for us, because we knew each other in high school and we both were just as awkward and nervous.
Until about a year ago, we both had a hard time with the check stuff. I have no problem paying - like I said earlier, I'm not a 1950s fan, and think that girls can carry their own weight. But, I think guys are under the expectation that they should always pay... which makes this always awkward.
Of course, when the date is ending, there is always the question of whether it's actually ending.... which then makes you wonder if he wants to see you again...
How did I know that he wanted another date? And that I did too? Exactly what you felt - excitement, curiosity, anxiety for knowing what will happen.

I think that what makes dating so difficult is the differences between males and females. There wouldn't be so many books and movies that play up these differences and anxieties if we all couldn't identify with the emotions displayed.
So do women just overreact? We accuse men of always playing mind games and not saying what they feel, but aren't they the ones who are always straightforward? In fact, one article I found (http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/guide/just-not-that-into-you) says that guys ARE straightforward - they will let you know if they're into you or not.
Many magazines (i.e. Seventeen, Cosmopolitan, Men's Fitness, even Playboy) try to teach us about how the opposite sex thinks, so we can lessen the misunderstandings. But, I have to question... Is there any way that guys will actually ever understand girls? Or girls will understand guys? Sometimes I feel like girls just biologically are more emotional, and tend to overanalyze simple events and conditions.

What do you think? Is dating more simple than we think it is? Are we the ones that make this simple event complicated? Although impossible, would dating be less complex of a task if it weren't for all of the emotions that come with it?

I haven't dated much either, but I'm kind of old fashioned. I always ask, "do you want to go on a date sometime?" That way it's out in the open, and the girl can politely say no if she doesn't want to. So question one is kind of bizarre to me. (However, ladies, if you would like to go and not have it be a date, just say so.)

The rest of the questions are easy to deal with. When we're nervous, our mind tends to wander and go off on tangents. These are typically obscene possibilities that come out of our fear of what the other person thinks about you. So when you're on a date, force yourself to enjoy yourself. Tell that little voice to F*** off, and just enjoy being there.

Whenever there's a gap in the conversation, I ask the other person an open ended question (one that can't be answered with a yes or a no). These will always start with Who, What, Where, When, Why, or How. Everyone is a little narcissistic. It's necessary for survival. Besides, what do we know better than ourselves? We're an expert on the subject, so there's nothing easier for us to talk about. This usually gets rid of the awkward, short conversations.

I went to, askmen.com to find this article. It is from a guy's perspective, but it can absolutely be applied to a girl's point of view, also. It's about the good signs when you're on a date. =D http://www.askmen.com/dating/curtsmith_200/200_dating_advice.html

Confidence is everything, and you need to learn control your fears or fake confidence. It's amazing how fake confidence turns into real confidence - yet not cockiness.

I have been with my boyfriend for about 4 years now so it had been a while since I have "dated". Our relationship too started out with just hanging out. I remember all the hang-ups I had: Do I text him back right away? Is this a date or are we just hanging out? I know he had the same feelings. THE first time we actually hung out he locked his keys in the car. The memory is priceless...but all of these questions as awkward situations stem back to the nervous anxiety feeling we have on a first date.

I feel as though we put to must pressure on ourselves. People feel as though a first date has to be perfect; they have to be perfect otherwise their date won’t like them. When we go out on dates I do not think we always consider the other person and how they might be having the same awkward, anxiety feelings. I find it interesting to see that there are articles about what girls are thinking on first dates published in a Men’s Journal. As a women, all you really see are articles titles: 10 things he is thinking about you the first time he meets you; 20 ways to make a good first impression on a date; or the first things he notice about you on a first date. With these headlines there is not wonder that we over analyze our behavior. IF we just take a step back and remember to laugh if something funny or awkward happens and to be ourselves I think dating would not be as scary.

Leave a comment

Recent Entries

Welcome to Motivation & Emotion!
Welcome to Motivation & Emotion! All of your assignments are here; you will only go to eLearning to check your…
Using Movies
Please read the following link:http://www.psychologicalscience.com/kim_maclin/2010/01/i-learned-it-at-the-movies.html as well as the 3 resource links at the bottom of that article.This semester's movies:Teen DreamsCast…
Ch 1 & 2 Introduction and Perspectives
Read Ch 1 and Ch 2 in your textbook. Don't worry so much about your answers being beautifully written (yet!); focus on reading…