It is an interesting experience when your old enough to be held "in charge" of children and at the same time not so old that you've forgotten what it feels like to be their age. It is exactly what I went through last week in my house. The oldest boy, who turned 14 in November, has been DYING to get behind the wheel and begin learning how to drive a car. He, like many small town kids, began his lessons on a riding lawn mower in a big back yard. But he has now outgrown the John Deere X300 and has set his sights on a little red Mustang, which just so happens to belong to me! I trust and believe him to be a bright, mature and responsible young man, so I told him that once he got his driver's permit and the weather warmed up, he and I would go out to our church parking lot and I'd help him get a feel for driving.
Unfortunately for him, his birthday falls at an inconvenient time, the school system here offers a drivers education class in August (which he wasn't eligible for yet at age 13) another in March (which to him feels like decades away) and a summer course in June (which is obviously further away but also during his baseball season). To enroll in the class, each student must have passed their drivers permit exam. Shortly before his 14th birthday, he received his Iowa Driver's Permit Manual. Since he'd already missed the deadline for the Autumn class and Spring seemed so far into the future, his motivation to study was practically non-existent.
Three Sundays ago, I asked him if he knew where that manual was, he dug it out from a stack of papers in his room and I noticed that the seal holding the front and back cover hadn't even been severed. So I attempted to challenge his lack of motivation. I told him that I was going to the DOT to renew my license on Tuesday the 26th, that he had just over two weeks to study that manual and ride with me to take his exam and get his permit. He agreed and I walked away feeling proud that I was taking part in this "milestone" event in his life.
Last week, I asked him how the studying the going, he said "okay" and dropped the conversation off. I found that strange because typically when he talks about driving, particularly MY car, he is filled with excitement and impatience. I asked him to bring the manual to me and we'd go over some chapters together. He hesitated but finally brought me the manual that had, although open, clearly had not been used much if at all.
At first I didn't get that. It didn't make sense to me why he wouldn't have wanted to study it front to back and sideways so that he could knock that test into next year. I remember studying for my permit test all day and night, even in the car on the way to take the test. And I still failed the first time! But he is a much better student than I was, he gets straight A's and excellent reviews from his teachers almost effortlessly. Then it occurred to me, he's never had to try very hard to do well, school comes pretty easy to him and he's grown comfortable doing as much as is required of him and not much more. I realized that he was most likely approaching this test like he would any other, but this was not the average exam. If you all have forgotten, many questions on the driving test are meant to try and trick you.
I tried explaining this to him and I began forcing him to study on his own for 30 minutes each day and for 10 minutes with me. We had less than a week and it quickly became my challenge more so than his. I would quiz him and try to explain why answers weren't what he thought, it was taxing on both of us but we put in the time and test day arrived on Tuesday of this week.
I was as nervous as he was, we went over a few final points and I sent him free to his little cubicle and computer screen. I waited for what felt like hours until he turned the corner with a look of discouragement and said "I didn't pass." I felt bad for him but I couldn't help but think of the week that he wasted and the days that I practically forced the information through his ears. Regardless, the sense of failure was his to keep now. We didn't say much on the way home, I simply extended and invitation to try it again when he is ready to and that unlike most other tests, this one can be taken over once a day until he passes.
We will see how this experience motivates him and if he will finally drive my Mustang when the weather warms up.
Unfortunately for him, his birthday falls at an inconvenient time, the school system here offers a drivers education class in August (which he wasn't eligible for yet at age 13) another in March (which to him feels like decades away) and a summer course in June (which is obviously further away but also during his baseball season). To enroll in the class, each student must have passed their drivers permit exam. Shortly before his 14th birthday, he received his Iowa Driver's Permit Manual. Since he'd already missed the deadline for the Autumn class and Spring seemed so far into the future, his motivation to study was practically non-existent.
Three Sundays ago, I asked him if he knew where that manual was, he dug it out from a stack of papers in his room and I noticed that the seal holding the front and back cover hadn't even been severed. So I attempted to challenge his lack of motivation. I told him that I was going to the DOT to renew my license on Tuesday the 26th, that he had just over two weeks to study that manual and ride with me to take his exam and get his permit. He agreed and I walked away feeling proud that I was taking part in this "milestone" event in his life.
Last week, I asked him how the studying the going, he said "okay" and dropped the conversation off. I found that strange because typically when he talks about driving, particularly MY car, he is filled with excitement and impatience. I asked him to bring the manual to me and we'd go over some chapters together. He hesitated but finally brought me the manual that had, although open, clearly had not been used much if at all.
At first I didn't get that. It didn't make sense to me why he wouldn't have wanted to study it front to back and sideways so that he could knock that test into next year. I remember studying for my permit test all day and night, even in the car on the way to take the test. And I still failed the first time! But he is a much better student than I was, he gets straight A's and excellent reviews from his teachers almost effortlessly. Then it occurred to me, he's never had to try very hard to do well, school comes pretty easy to him and he's grown comfortable doing as much as is required of him and not much more. I realized that he was most likely approaching this test like he would any other, but this was not the average exam. If you all have forgotten, many questions on the driving test are meant to try and trick you.
I tried explaining this to him and I began forcing him to study on his own for 30 minutes each day and for 10 minutes with me. We had less than a week and it quickly became my challenge more so than his. I would quiz him and try to explain why answers weren't what he thought, it was taxing on both of us but we put in the time and test day arrived on Tuesday of this week.
I was as nervous as he was, we went over a few final points and I sent him free to his little cubicle and computer screen. I waited for what felt like hours until he turned the corner with a look of discouragement and said "I didn't pass." I felt bad for him but I couldn't help but think of the week that he wasted and the days that I practically forced the information through his ears. Regardless, the sense of failure was his to keep now. We didn't say much on the way home, I simply extended and invitation to try it again when he is ready to and that unlike most other tests, this one can be taken over once a day until he passes.
We will see how this experience motivates him and if he will finally drive my Mustang when the weather warms up.
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