Please summarize what you read. After summarizing, you can reflect on the following questions to guide the rest of your writing, but you should not just list and answer them. What did you find most interesting? Most confusing? What do you want to learn more about? Is there any information that you find dubious or that you are suspicious of? You do not need to explicitly answer these, rather, I'm interested in your summary, and ultimately your thoughts and insight on these readings.
Please list the main key words you used in your post.
Chapter 8 had a lot of interesting information about love, hate, and relationships. I found the small section on the evolution of our brains throughout history to be interesting. Our brains have continued to grow as we have evolved. It continues on to mention our actions and how we act in accordance to how the people around us are acting. There was a small section that mentions that parts of our brains light up when we perform an action as well as when someone else performs that same action. So our perceptual- motor system actually mirrors the behaviors of others and are appropriately termed, mirror neurons. I have heard a brief description of mirror neurons and I think they are absolutely fascinating. It is crazy to me that by watching someone do something we can actually “feel” what they are feeling in essence. An example that comes to my mind is when I’m watching someone on T.V. that is standing on the ledge of a building or at a really high height. I have a pretty good fear of heights depending on the situation and I will actually get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. I have always wondered how I could possibly have that feeling when I’m sitting comfortably on my couch but these mirror neurons explain that phenomena.
Another interesting tidbit I read about our emotions is that the more aware you are of your own emotions and bodily state, the more activated your anterior cingulate cortex is and you actually improve in your ability to accurately read other people. I think this is interesting because I always want to be able to read people better. It is, in my opinion, one of the most important talents you can have and I try to use it all of the time. Many times I’m accurate but when you meet someone and you just aren’t sure how to read them it can become really frustrating.
Another section that I also found really interesting was the idea we have about “us” as a good thing and “them” as a bad thing. It’s interesting how we separate ourselves and group ourselves so that anyone outside of our group is a bad or negative thing. I honestly think if we could break down this barrier we would be closer than ever to world peace. I know that sounds a bit sappy but to be honest, I think fear comes from the unknown and we tend to be aggressive towards things that we fear. So if we were better educated on the people around us then we might not be so fearful of them. I think a good, simple example of this is from my fall rugby season. We made it to the Sweet 16 and our first game was against a team we hadn’t heard of before. However, our coach was able to get some good scouting information on them and we felt well prepared. Because of that, we didn’t fear them, we were confident that we could beat them, and we did. But our next game was against Air Force. We had literally no information on them. We only knew they were a military academy so we guessed they would be disciplined and play a clean game. I think my whole team was fearful of the match because we wanted so badly to make Final Four but this unknown team stood in our way and they seemed pretty powerful when we didn’t know them personally. It’s interesting how we reacted to that though. I thought we would react by feeling as though we were underdogs and had no chance, but instead we started the game out just firing on all cylinders. We were so scared of how good they might be that we started the game fighting for our lives and we have never been so aggressive and for lack of a better term “mean.” Needless to say we beat our opponents but I think we crushed them so badly because of the driving force of the fear of the unknown.
In Chapter 9 it goes into detail about being sympathetic and what that looks like when you are giving sympathy as well as when you receive it. I found this section to be helpful to me, especially in my job, because my job requires me to be able to process with kids and they need to be able to trust me with some really personal information.
I think the three chapters really focused on the idea of the Wolf of Hate and the Wolf of Love. I have never viewed life in those terms before and I think they were really helpful in understanding what we as humans are capable of and also of the power we have in choosing whether to use love or hate. The readings just reiterated how much more positive of a life you can lead by being kind, compassionate, and empathetic to others. One of the underlying themes as well is the idea of being slow to anger. I think that is an extremely important part of communicating and understanding each other.
Terminology- love, hate, relationships, mirror neurons, Wolf of Hate, Wolf of Love, perceptual-motor system, emotions, anterior cingulate cortex, aggressive, sympathetic, compassionate, empathetic, fear
This week’s readings were very insightful and helpful toward learning how to “feed the wolf of love”. Chapter 8 starts with a metaphor of how each individual has a wolf of love (inner good) and a wolf of hate (inner ill will, disdain, aggression, etc). How you “feed” each wolf determines how strong each one is. Evolutionarily, the wolf of love was used in interconnected groups to find food, to mate, and protect and support one another. The wolf of hate on the other hand was used to compete with other groups for resources thus survival. Today, everyone contains each wolf and how they choose to feed each wolf determines many aspects of their lives such as personality, well-being, happiness, relationships, and more.
The chapters discuss ways in which one may find inter peace and thoroughly feed the wolf of love while starving the wolf of hate. One thing I found very interesting in these readings was the empathy section. Empathy, although many of us contain at least some, can be very difficult to achieve in certain situations. It is rather easy for me as I’m sure for most people to show empathy toward those who are outwardly suffering such as starving children in Africa or the family of someone who has recently died. What is difficult however is showing empathy toward someone we dislike or perhaps during a fight with a friend or significant other. The chapter talks about attempting to look at the other person’s feelings and what they are going through. Don’t be too quick to judge or speak out of anger rather attempt to show compassion and empathy toward that person. Showing empathy should not be confused with giving in, rather understanding the other’s point of view and calmly expressing yours. My favorite part of the chapter was when it discussed The Wise Speech section of Buddhism’s Noble Eightfold Path which states “say only what is well-intended, true, beneficial, timely, expressed without harshness or malice, and ideally what is wanted”. This quote basically discusses dealing with fights or irritating situations with a level-head. Coming into a fight or quarrelsome by yelling, or using sarcasm will not help extinguish the situation rather cause tempers to flare and make the argument even worse. The best and most effective way to deal with an argument or conflict is face the issue directly and calmly.
I would love to learn more about empathy and why some individuals have more than others. Is empathy something we are all born with, something we purely learn, or both? In addition I want to know more about anti-social personality disorder and why these individuals seriously lack empathy and how it could be treated. Overall I enjoyed this week’s readings as they provided helpful life tips such as how to fight fairly and how one may learn to seek empathy even when it seems unobtainable or unwanted. This book in its entirety has provided me with new and alternative thought processes that are both healthy and beneficial. As I continue with this course and the readings I hope to eventually learn to become a more peaceful, level headed individual.
Terms: empathy, anti-social personality disorder, Buddhism, conflict, evolution, compassion, aggression, wolf of hate, wolf of love
I enjoyed these chapters more than any of the other readings we have had so far. This blog is probably going to be pretty long just because I didn’t mind reading the chapters. There were so many things I thought about doing my exploration blog about and it was difficult to choose just one subject. Chapter 8 talked about the two wolves all of us have inside: the wolf of love and the wolf of hate. I think that is a very spiritual way to look at the human emotions. The both of the wolves evolved as humans evolved. As all animals evolved so did their brains. Animals including birds and primates have larger brains relative to their body size due to the social interactions these species have. Primates have the largest brains and the more sociable the animal, the larger the cortex is compared to the rest of the brain. Great apes even have specialized neurons called spindle cells which support social interaction. I enjoyed this section because it acknowledge evolution. Last semester I took Ecology and Evolution and I loved it. It was cool seeing all of the same information again. I thought about comparing and contrasting the information in this book and the books from my Eco Evo class and look at the different social reasons different parts of organisms evolved the way they did. However, the chapter then mentioned mirror neurons which I learned about in my Sensation and Perception class last semester (I took some interesting classes last semester). Mirror neurons are neurons that fire not only when an organism is performing a task but also when they are observing a task. I think for my exploration blog I’ll research more about mirror neurons and studies done about them. The authors then talked about how the different neurotransmitters and chemicals in the brain affect our feelings of love, attachment, aggression, hate, etc. The wolf is associated with the negative emotions. Although it is often given the most attention, the wolf of love has had a greater impact on the evolution of modern humans. The wolf of hate is made up of everything that isn’t included in our wolf of love. When something is placed in the wolf of hate we don’t feel bad treating whatever it is poorly and our minds actually justify poor treatment. Overall both are important to survival.
Chapter 9 talked about our relationships with others and how they work. Empathy is trying understand how the other person feels, even if you don’t agree with it. In order to be empathic you must simulate the thoughts, feelings, and actions of the other person (yay mirror neurons). It is very important to relationships and helps build trust and closeness. The chapter also provided ways a person can grow to feel more comfortable about opening up to others. Compassion and assertion were also mentioned. The two work together to foster healthy relationships. Chapter 10 was about kindness. Kindness is about love and kinship and is part of the wolf of love. The authors mentioned ways we can be kind to others. One thing I thought was a good point to bring up was that it is difficult to be kind to others when we are not treated kindly. This happens to me at work all the time. I have to nice to all customers regardless of whether or not they are rude to me. I can feel my mood change when a customer is particularly pleasant or when I’m working with Alma, the nicest, kindest, happiest person in the world. She always has a smile on her face and always says hi to everyone. She is an angel and can brighten anyone’s day. Another thing mentioned was not taking every instance of unkindness personally. I know at work that the people who are rude to me don’t even know me so obviously they aren’t mad at me personally; they are upset about company policies or other issues completely unrelated to me. The chapter ended with ways to feed the wolf of love and increase the “us” concept.
There wasn’t much I was skeptical about in this reading except for some of the evolutionary mechanisms mentioned. Some of the reasons for certain traits evolving were more scientifically explained in my book for Eco Evo. That book focused more on the physical challenges involved with certain traits whereas this book focuses on the emotional and psychological needs driving evolution. Overall I enjoyed these chapters. It was neat seeing some of the same topics I enjoyed learning about in some of my other classes last semester. I also feel like these chapters were more positive and relatable. It was easy for me to apply the concepts to aspects of my life.
Terms: wolf of love/hate, brain evolution, spindle cells, mirror neurons, empathy, compassion, assertive, kindness, “us”
Chapters eight through ten comprised the section called Love. Chapter eight covered how there’s potential for positive and negative emotions/behaviors in humans. It also covered the evolution of empathy and its importance in carrying on the species and taking care of defenseless infants. It described the negative emotions and behavior we struggle with as “the wolf of hate” (the gravitation towards negativity and resentment) and the positive ones “the wolf of love”. I generally liked this analogy; it reminded me of the Stanford prison and Milgram shock experiments and how they showed that pretty much all human beings are capable of inflicting harm on others.
Chapter nine went deeper into empathy and explained its techniques of applying an almost meditative state of mind when practicing empathy with others by consciously focusing on reacting, observing, feeling, and understanding in a particular way. Another aspect that this chapter discusses is virtue and how being virtuous means following one’s personal code so that you act based on your own beliefs rather than based on other’s behaviors and favors.
The last chapter was about loving-kindness and how to foster this attitude even with frustrating people or situations (in order to avoid ill-will). It reiterated that what we think affects and wires our brains, so it may as well be positive in nature. There were several parts of this chapter that I absolutely loved. One was the ten thousand things exercise where you think of all the possible reasons for a person acting a certain way, which helps the person develop empathy and let go of any ill-will. This method seems so helpful because people, myself definitely included, have tendencies of blowing things out of proportion and negatively interpreting people’s behavior. I also enjoyed the description that “resentment is when I take poison and wait for you to die”. I hadn’t heard that before, but I felt that it tied in with how stress can come from external sources, yet damages internally based on how you deal with those outside influences.
One thing that I was rather skeptical of, was the wolf of hate in chapter eight and how the author seemed to be attributing war and conflict almost exclusively to people using the labels “us” against “them”. For one, this section seemed quite preachy and was lacking citations. Second, from an anthropology class I took, I learned how incredibly responsible societal structure is for the amount of war and conflict. While I believe that separating people into different schemas and developing prejudices against them is a part of this process, I disliked how the book seemed to oversimplify and be overly confident in its reasoning.
Keywords: evolution, empathy, wolf of hate, wolf of love, virtue, personal code, loving-kindness, ill-will, ten thousand things
These three chapters really lumped together nicely. The three chapters covered this original idea of having two wolves within you; one is the wolf of love, and the other was the wolf of hate. It is an old tale of a Native American elder who talks about the control of who she is dependent on which wolf she feeds that day. The first chapter focuses on what the wolves represent and where they came from. The readings transition to the evolution of the brain and how there are differences between mammals, birds, and reptiles for starters. Basically the reading points out that different levels of social interaction can help determine the size of the brain and of the cortex. This comparison is thought to hold ground because humans have the largest prefrontal cortex, which is associated with higher level thinking and processing. But our ancestors or close relatives, the monkeys, still have this anatomical part of the brain.
The readings talk a lot about the size of the brain and how it has tripled three million years (citation needed). They associate the growth with the capability of empathy and planning and interpersonal relationships (the voice in your head). The chapter also covered where they thought the mentality of “us versus them” came from. They explained it as a survival tactic for when different bands of people were after the same few resources. You wanted to protect “us” and keep “them” from taking your resources. This is thought to be the spawn of protecting the ones that you are with and against those that are not with you.
This first chapter was really philosophical, which was very interesting to read. The second chapter focuses heavily on empathy. As a quick personal statement, I love the idea of empathy and I really want to know more about it. I’ve been told by many people that I am “blessed” with the amount of empathy that I have, but it is honestly a curse. Feeling others pain when you have no relation and investment in them is quite harmful to your wellbeing. But if there was one thing I could brag about, it would be my empathy. The book really harps on empathy being the meaning of a relationship, both romantic and non-romantic. After we discussed in class that this was actually a “self-help” book, I started to recognize a little bit of a pattern in the reading. The book goes over some steps to increase your empathy, which really had a self-help ring to it. I really enjoyed the section of being mindful though, because I feel that it is often overlooked. I think that not only positive emotion, but good experience can stem from really paying attention to your own experiences and thoughts/emotions. I want to look more into virtue and how it can affect thinking. I’m not quite sure how I’ll research it, but it’s definitely something I’m interested in. Yay positive psychology!
The final chapter, chapter 10, was focused on compassion and kindness. I really quick want to point out that I did a lot of thinking within the chapter both while I read it and after reading it all. One of the things that I spent some time dwelling about was the similarities between “loving-kindness meditation” and that of a lot of explained religious experiences. Though both our text and from previous knowledge of meditation, I’m starting to see a similar experience path between meditation and spirituality. I’ll discuss this more later. This chapter is very much in the style of self-help. The chapter talks a lot about the relationship between kindness and compassion and how compassion is the want for someone to not feel negative, and kindness if you want them to feel good. The reading really explains how you can gain both skills through practicing different techniques.
To wrap it up, I’m not really sure what I’m going to be researching exactly for this week’s exploration blog. The last ones have really stuck out at me but not this weeks. I guess it will just take some looking around.
Terms: Love, Hate, empathy, kindness, compassion, self-help.
The reading for this week has been my least favorite so far. I feel like the book has very much turned to self-help and is slowly getting away from scientific merit. Chapters 8-10 focused on love, empathy and kindness.
H&M present people as being innately good and having control of love and hate. The story used in the book is of a Native American elder and her control of what she called her inner wolves, one of love and one of hate. It was her choice of which wolf to feed each day that allowed her to attain her status within the tribe and live into old age. While the wolf of love may get more attention but the wolf of love has a long tested biological foundation. Mammals and birds have developed much larger brains over time to accompany their social and mating habits, or pair bonding. This pair bonding is very evident in mammals, with many only having one mate for life signifying some importance of love and connection. And can be seen by the increased spindle cells in the brains of advanced primates.
Chapter 9 deals with compassion and empathy. Compassion is the concern for the suffering of others, according to the book. And it is driven by empathy, or our ability to feel what others are going through, to share their experience. In order to increase empathy we must first be more aware of others around us. Equanimity would be a beneficial skill in this scenario because of the heightened situational awareness while maintaining an emotionally neutral state. Allowing one to feel empathetic but not experience an overload of shared emotion.
Chapter 10 is about kindness, or loving-kindness. Kindness is defined as wishing for someone to be happy. Kindness can also be used as a meditative focus. Using phrases as montras you can focus on being kind, or wishing for positive outcomes. This will help fuel positive and hopeful thoughts as well.
As this book progresses I feel that it is losing scientific merit. The focus of these chapters is revolving around self-help, communication, and relationships. Where earlier chapters focused on the biopsychology of a topic these have begun to focus on anecdotal evidence and abstract concepts. For me, this has made the readings a struggle and is quickly affecting how I view the credibility of the book. That being said, I was very intrigued by the Theory of Mind (ToM) aspect of chapter 9. I find it amazing how we can take on or replicate what we believe to be others experience. This will most likely be my focus for Thursdays blog!
Terms: love, empathy, kindness, hate, spindle cells, compassion, meditations, equanimity, montra, Theory of Mind
Love and hate are very powerful emotions. Chapter eight metaphorically refers to each of these emotions as wolfs. For example, people have a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. According to Hanson & Mendius, the wolf of hate is often misconstrued by the media. The media deceives its viewers and makes them believe that war and violence are apart of human nature, which is why some people believe that hate is a more powerful emotion compared to love. However, the wolf of love has been painstakingly bred by evolution to be more powerful and more central to human’s deepest nature. Research has shown that relating well to other members of one species has been a great aid to survival. Mammals have learned this through the process of evolution. Chapter eight also compares mammals and birds to reptiles and fish in order to illustrate the evolution of relationships. Mammals and birds deal with similar life obstacles to those of retiles and fish, harsh living conditions and hungry predators. However, mammals and birds have bigger brain because they are able to plan, communicate, cooperate, and negotiate. The author then mentions information about how the primate brain evolved into the human brain. This change was due to the devotion of interpersonal capabilities such as empathy and cooperative planning. All of this information was very interesting; however, the most intriguing part of chapter eight was the section about love and attachment. It turns out that oxytocin is a major component involved in the neurochemistry of bonding and love. Oxytocin creates feeling of caring and cherishing and apparently women have more oxytocin in their bodies.
Compassion and assertion work together to feed your wolf of love. Chapter nine discusses what these powerful elements of love are and how they work. Compassion is concern for the suffering of beings and assertion is expressing the truth and pursuing aims within any type of relationship. Compassion infuses warmth and caring into a person’s assertiveness. Assertiveness helps people stick up for themselves and others. In order to be truly compassionate, a person must first feel something of what another person is going through, “people need to walk in someone else’s shoes.” People need to have empathy. According to Hanson & Mendius, empathy is the foundation of any relationship. I agree with this statement for personal reason. When I am being empathetic towards others it makes me feel really good because I feel like I am building a stronger relationship with that person. I am also becoming more comfortable with closeness when I show empathy towards other people. This is also a problem that people commonly have. Often, people seem to have trouble “letting people in” or trouble getting close to someone. However, they are methods that help a person overcome this problem. Ways to increase comfort of closeness include focusing on your internal experience instead of on the other person, paying attention to awareness itself, using imagery and being mindful of your inner world. I really enjoyed chapter nine because of the paragraph entitled how to be empathic. I know it sounds silly at first but many people could learn a thing or two about what it truly mean to be empathetic.
Another major component of the wolf of love is kindness, which is what chapter ten focuses on. The book uses this example to illustrate the importance of kindness. “If compassion is the wish that one does not experience suffering, then kindness is the wish that one’s experiences happiness.” Kindness also has the power to tame the wolf of hate and nurture the wolf of love. The book introduces the term loving-kindness. Loving-Kindness ranges from the casual helpfulness of strangers to the profound love one has for his or her children or their other-half. I thought that it was interesting that a person is able to meditate on loving-kindness itself so I did more research on loving-kindness meditation and this is what I learned. Loving-kindness meditation is the practice of wishing oneself and others to be happy, content and at ease. There has been research done on the effect of compassion meditation also investigated the impact of loving-kindness meditation on the body's inflammatory and neuroendocrine system, which led to the conclusion that not only can loving-kindness meditation subjectively reduce distress, but it can impact the body's physiology (inflammation) as well.
Research that deals with investigating how one factor can change the outcome of one’s psychological or physical health are really interesting. So I really enjoyed reading about loving-kindness meditation and how kindness can influence other people’s actions and behavior. I think for Thursday’s blog I am going to research more about the loving-kindness meditation and kindness in general. Maybe how and why kindness influences people.
Terms: Love, hate, emotions, Mammals, evolution, Compassion, assertion, empathy, relationship, kindness, Loving-Kindness, loving-kindness meditation
This weeks reading was all about love and kindness. There was a running metaphor (simile? analogy?) about the heart having a wolf of love and a wolf of hate, and the demeanor of the person being dependent on which wolf they feed. The rationale was the same behind their explanation of neuroplasticity, which makes sense because exercising the brain for kindness and compassion would theoretically strengthen the neural pathways associated with them and make you more prone to be kind and compassionate. They briefly talked about the brain areas and specific chemicals and neurotransmitters/neuromodulators associated with love. They specifically mentioned vasopressin, and more importantly oxytocin as important chemicals involved in love. They also mentioned the cingulate cortex and the insula as being crucial to emotions and the overall social nature of humans. They talked about how the size difference between mammalian and reptilian brains could be attributed to the complexity and benefits of being social creatures. Apparently, reptiles aren’t able to have relationships with other reptiles, which is understandable, but still kind of came as a surprise to me. I have two turtles and they show a complete lack of interest in one another, and now at least I know they aren’t just being passive aggressive tank-mates.
The book discussed the evolutionary reasons for us to become social creatures. Our ancestors could benefit from being social, as they could work together to gather and share resources. Being able to divide labor allows for more complex tasks to be done. They talked about how at this point, the brain would have had developed structures promoting inclusion of others, however they brain would have also developed mechanisms of excluding others. The others that would have to be excluded would be those that they would be fighting against for resources. The book actually talked about spindle cells and mirror neurons for a section, which I enjoyed because I find mirror neurons to be such a fascinating aspect of the brain.
One chapter focused on compassion and assertion. This became a little more boring to me as they discussed more ‘self-help’ content and less ‘sciency’ content. They did once again mention some brain structures, though it was once again the anterior cingulate cortex and the insula. The authors talked a lot about how empathy was the key to compassion, and to be more compassionate you must be more empathetic. To be more empathetic you must intend to be empathetic, be more conscious of your own behaviors and attitudes, sense others’ feelings, and track their thoughts. I believe they related empathy back to the mirror neurons and about how the brain’s activity appears to be empathetic to the feelings of others. The other key point was assertiveness, and the author talked about being helpful to those in the circle you consider to be “us” and expanding the “us” circle. The talked about promoting good will to all and wishing ill will on no one and thus you will be happier if you want everyone else to be happier. I liked the quote they used that illustrated this, “All Joy in this world comes from wanting others to be happy, and all suffering in this world comes from wanting only oneself to be happy.” They also used a really interesting story about Buddha being a talking ape that carried a man out of a hole, and the man smashed a rock on the gorilla while it slept with the intent of eating it. The interesting part was the response of the gorilla saying that he felt sorry for the man, because he knew with that ill will the man would never be happy. Even though this stuff wasn’t all about science, I still actually found it interesting and enjoyed reading it. I’m going to read more about the cingulate cortex and the insula and their role on social emotions, but I’m sure the authors probably know their stuff.
Love, kindness, wolf of love, wolf of hate, neuroplasticity, compassion, vasopressin, oxytocin, insula, cingulate cortex, spindle cells, mirror neurons, empathy, “us” circle, assertiveness
Chapter 8 in H&M began by talking about the good wolf and the bad wolf inside each and every one of us. The difference between which one is shown and which one is retained depends on which wolf we “feed.” We separate ourselves from “them”—the ones who aren’t like “us.” For example, we think how horrible someone is when they shoot innocent victims in a movie theater or set off bombs at a marathon, but in reality, “they” are “us.” They only fed their bad wolf much more than the average person. An interesting fact is that empathy increased the size of the brain. The more sociable the primate species, the bigger the brain they have. Humans developed “within-group cooperation” to decrease aggression and increase food, mates, and survival. Because the brain has increased in size, it takes longer to develop and that is a reason why oxytocin, dopamine, and fear of social rejection push for the bond.
Chapter 9 largely emphasized compassion and somewhat aggression as well. You can exercise your empathy with practice. The book says to have compassion for 5 kinds of people each day: someone you’re grateful to, a loved one/friend, a neutral person, someone who is difficult for you, and yourself. It’s important to try and see from others’ points of view, yet be the strong tree with their problems being a wind, breezing through your leaves. Being assertive the right way is important. Do not judge or share your opinions but share how something makes you feel and explain your wants and needs. Bring up only one topic at a time and try to avoid the past events, words, and actions; focus on the present and the future. The more empathy you give, the more you shall receive.
Chapter 10 seemed to be slightly repetitive of Chapter 9. It focused more on kindness than compassion where compassion is the wish that someone will not suffer and kindness is the wish that someone will be happy. The Buddha-gorilla story made me slightly mad, but I thought the moral to be clever—that you do not have to be the justice system. They will get what they have coming. I enjoyed reading to focus on the similarities more than the differences between “them” and “us.” For example, if you see an individual in a wheelchair, think about how we are all disabled in one way or another. It’s an interesting way to think about the concept.
Key words: good/bad wolf; primate species; within-group cooperation; aggression; oxytocin; dopamine; social rejection; compassion; aggression; empathy; kindness; justice
Once again, I was really excited to write this blog and read this section. So much so that I’m doing it on SUNDAY night, not Tuesday morning. As usual, I noticed a dearth of citations throughout the text, though there seemed to be more citations than usual. However, instead of being skeptical while reading, I tried to read with the lens that the author(s) were drawing some general conclusions from some research and just applying them more broadly than what’s customary. With that lens, and taking some of their suggestions with a grain of salt, I felt I got more out of the reading than the past few times.
For example, the entire chapter on compassion and assertion particularly resonated with me. As someone who strongly believes that kindness and compassion should be the go-to attitudes of our society, I feel conflicted with my rather assertive, sometimes aggressive behavior, especially when something in which I believe strongly is threatened. The authors discussed how one could be direct and even blunt, standing up for yourself, but that you could do it in a respectful, polite way. Standing up for yourself doesn’t equate to aggression and compassion doesn’t necessarily equate with being a pushover.
In this chapter, I found it really interesting that the authors addressed the benefits of becoming close with another individual, an aspect with which I wholeheartedly agree, but also how difficult it can be to do so. I can be fairly open with a large variety of things, but there is a certain level of intimacy (which I will operationally define as closeness. It just sounds less awkward) it takes an exceptional amount of trust with someone to reach. For example, there is a topic or two I have only discussed with two or three people. When I do decide I trust someone enough to do that, sharing can be a very uncomfortable, almost painful, experience. The author’s explanation of what to do sounded a bit silly. Yeah, I’ll just focus on my existence and that I’m continue to stay alive. That’ll totally work. However, when I thought about it, that’s what I do subconsciously. When sharing something personal that makes me slightly uncomfortable, I tell myself that nothing’s changed and I’m going to be okay. Life is going to continue. Which is exactly what the authors are saying. Additionally, this section of the chapter is particularly applicable to real life. Our current society is too focused on the concept of machismo and trying to appear stronger than we are. Too often, people, males in particular, don’t share their struggles and try to face them on their own, thereby increasing the prevalence of suicidality. We all just need to buck up and admit that we struggle and that doesn’t change who we are or our competency.
Which leads me to discuss the next point, love. As the chapter points out, love is one of the most influential, essential, beneficial aspects of human life. We are social beings and are groomed to be that way. However, society seems to suggest that showing love and affection to others is weak, effeminate. WHICH IS NOT TRUE! Some people are not comfortable with sharing their positive thoughts towards others, which is all fine and dandy, until you realize it’s because that’s what they were socialized to think. What’s wrong with me telling one of my friends that they’re a great person and I love them? NOTHING! One of my list favorite sayings is the “no homo” that some say. That shouldn’t have to be a clarification. For one, who cares if someone thinks you’re gay, for two, if I’m your close friend I should know otherwise. Anyways, sorry, end rant.
The final chapter on loving kindness was also extremely relevant. While perhaps not as imperative as the compassion/assertion and love sections, loving kindness is something that is frequently overlooked. People often forget how to be kind, unless they have to. It’s when people don’t have to be kind and are that it really has the impact to change someone’s life. For example, my friends pooled together and bought me a bed for Christmas. Not sure why, but nevertheless it has been one of the most rewarding gifts I’ve ever received. Because, not only do I have a bed, but every time I go home after a stressful day I’m reminded of how many great people are in my life. That is just an anecdotal example of how loving kindess is important and can positively influence one’s life.
Love, affection, assertion, compassion, positive emotions.
These have been my least favorite chapters so far. It was hard to pay attention and finish the readings for me. The topics that were talked about weren’t boring but the way the information was presented made it difficult for me to really get into the ideas that the book talked about. Chapter 8 started off good with the story of the two wolfs because I like to hear old sayings and stories like that. Learning about the evolution of relationships was interesting to me. You always hear about the idea of “survival of the fittest” but I never had thought about how teamwork and cooperation could have helped the survival of groups of people. Mirror neurons was a term I had never heard before but found very interesting. I would defiantly like to read more into what mirror neurons are and how they work. This chapter also started to talk about how we view others as “us” or “them”. Depending on how we view others we can see more people as “us” but in some cases the “them” can get bigger. The next chapter was mainly focused on compassion and assertion. This is where I started to get less interested in the reading. I found it to be over the top and really self- help oriented. I did like the topics but would have liked a more biological background. The chapter went through how to be more empathetic and understanding of people, which are things that I believe to be important. There is too much judgment in today’s world that just happen because we see others as “them”. The last chapter talks about kindness, and using kindness to control the wolf of hate. I found there to be a lot in this chapter that also could have been in the previous chapter. This chapter had a lot more “how to” ideas than in previous chapters. Some were over the top to me but there were also a few that I enjoyed reading about. The loving-kindness meditation was a section that was very informative. Kindness in daily life was also a section that I enjoyed, if instead of when seeing someone and making a judgmental thought if you could replace that with one nice thing about them I think that could be very beneficial to changing how you think and your attitude. There were many concepts from this chapter that I would like try more in my life and also learn more about with a scientific reasoning. The story of attributing intentions was one that I liked a lot. People take things way to seriously and personally nowadays. I have always tried to not take things personally especially if they’re other people’s views. Everyone has their own ideas and should be able to express them (as long as they’re not harmful to other). Overall the chapters weren’t as interesting to me as the past chapters but they did have some good ideas I thought. I hope to maybe look more into some of these topics for my exploration blog.
Key terms: evolution, relationship, mirror neurons, compassion, assertion, empathetic, “us” and “them”, kindness, loving-kindness, attributing intentions, attitude
Today’s reading focused on chapters 8-10 in H&M. The chapters I think worked well together because the themes of each chapter focused on emotions. Chapter 8 discussed the story of the two wolves we all have within ourselves. I’ve actually heard this story before – that there is a constant battle between two wolves, one of love and one of hate. The wolf of love is our kindness, compassion, humility, charity, and wisdom while the wolf of hate is our jealousy, anger, selfishness, ignorance, and arrogance. The winner of the battle of course is the wolf that you feed. After discussing the two wolves, the chapter discussed a bit about one of my favorite topics – evolution, more specifically evolutionary psychology. I think that the evolution of social behavior is fascinating. I loved learning about that in my BioPsych class, so I enjoyed revisiting it, and might look into that for my research topic on Thursday.
Chapter 9 discussed empathy and compassion, as well as being assertive. Compassion is concern for the suffering of beings and assertion is expressing the truth and pursuing your goals within any type of relationship. I thought the book made an excellent point about being assertive without being aggressive. It’s important to keep your compassion and understanding in mind when you are trying to achieve your own desires, or else you might be stepping all over someone else. In the end I believe that accomplishing your goals is only worthwhile if you did it in a way that benefits not only yourself, but also those around you. Sabotaging someone else or putting them down just to attain what you want creates a toxic environment and poisons your accomplishments with resentment.
Chapter nine also discussed the importance of empathy in a relationship. You have to be able to “put yourself in the other’s shoes” so to speak. I think I’m actually a rather empathetic individual. It’s one of the reasons that I wanted to study psychology originally. In my high school years, I was the person that people came to when they had a problem or just wanted to talk to someone without being judged. I work really hard not to cast judgment on people. I think one of the ugliest things about our society as a whole is our quickness to judge, and while that is to an extend biological instinct, I think our unwillingness to correct our judgments causes some serious problems – bigotry for the most part. The book points out that a conscious effort has to be made to be empathetic and compassionate. We are actually fighting our own instincts when we put another’s well-being before our own (if it’s not our own child). No one is automatically compassionate to everyone around them. It’s yet another thing Disney lied to me about.
Chapter 10 rounded out the section by discussing kindness or loving-kindness. They discuss that loving-kindness comes in many forms and is an excellent focus for meditation. Kindness lies in the desire for others to be happy. The book mentioned research on loving-kindness meditation, and how it affects the body in a positive way, reducing distress and even bodily inflammation. I thought that was really interesting, and I’m curious to read the sources they cited on that.
These chapters were getting a little further away from hard science than previous chapters were, so I remain a bit skeptical, but overall I liked the themes that were discussed in this section and I think I took away some pretty excellent life lessons and strategies for my own meditation.
Terms: evolution, relationships, compassion, empathy, assertion, kindness, loving-kindness, evolutionary psychology, social behavior
This weeks readings where chapters 8-10, these chapters focused primarily on maintaing empathy, kindness, and happiness. Two Wolves in the Heart (Chapter 8) focuses on what Hanson refers to as the wolf of hate, and the wolf of love. He takes us through the evolutionary perspective of why homo sapien sapiens are so nurturing to their young, and why we foster relationships. Hanson urges his readers to go through their daily lives placing themselves in the shoes of others, and trying to be empathetic to what they feel, both emotionally and physically. However, this section made me rather angry. The author continually used science that seemed a little to simplistic, and unrealistic. He continued to suggest that we place ourselves inside the bodies of others to experience what they do. Saying that when someone preforms an action that we preform, we feel what they are experiencing. I’m a gymnastics coach, if this were realistic, work would be a lot different for me. When a child does a handstand, I don’t feel what they feel; despite the fact that I’m very familiar with the feeling myself. To further my outrage on page 110 under the “Love Feels Good“ section Hanson refers to vasopressin as a neurochemical that plays a role in “bonding and love”. Now, I had never heard of vasopressin so I decided I would bring up the definition, much to my amusement, vasopressin is defined as; “a neurohypophysial hormone found in most mammals. Its two primary function are to retain water in the body and to constrict blood.” I don’t know about you, but that does not sound like a critical neurochemical in the love forming process. Compassion and Assertion (chapter 9), this chapter continued the feel good, be happy, plight started in the previous chapter. However, this chapter focuses on empathy, Hanson urges us once again to place ourselves in the perspective of others. On page 118 there was a quote that I rather enjoyed “To be clear: empathy is neither agreement nor approval. You can empathize with someone you wish would act differently. Empathy doesn’t mean waiving your rights; knowing this can help you feel it’s alright to be empathic.” Too often people think that being empathetic requires being overtly happy, and trying to solve everyones problems. Empathy is simply understanding what someone is going through, not trying to change it, just realizing that their situation does suck. On “Parks and Recreation” empathy was brilliantly displayed on the episode “A chard’s Day Night”. Boundless Kindness (chapter 10) these chapter had the feeling of receptiveness, it was kind of like a synopsis of the previous two chapters. Hanson says that to promote your own happiness you need to wish happiness for others, being kind in your daily lives, and trying to tame your wolf of hate.
Terms: Empathy, Wolf of Anger/Love, Kindness (Happiness), Relationships, vasopressin
Chapter eight introduced the “two wolves in the heart” metaphor. I enjoyed the way this was explained throughout the three chapters. The one wolf is the wolf of hate, and the other being the wolf of love. We each consists of both, but we should learn to tame or deprive one, and show affection towards the other. It’s up to us too choose which wolf get’s fed. It explained that we always hear more about the bad, and those bad things we witness or hear about stick with us. While the good we come across only last for a short period of time and it doesn’t happen or is acknowledged as much as it should be. It also went into the topic/science of evolution, in relation to the way we have evolved into what we have become, learned to adapt, and how enhanced our brains have become. I'm not really into the study of evolution. Don't get me wrong, its a fascinating topic, but there are just way too many theories, belifs, and different view points. I stick the a very broad understanding of it and leave it at that. Evolution is a complex and confusing area of study. Chapter nine continued on with the two wolves theory but centered around compassion and assertiveness. It explained that all humans consists of empathy and empathetic feelings towards themselves and others. Being empathetic is a good way to learn more, useful, and accurate information about someone and their feelings and a view of their current or past bothersome situations. It then explained how to be assertive by speaking truthfully, and aiming strongly towards your goal or intention. It explains how to go about doing so in a clam respectful manner and to avoid you inner wolf filled with hate to not override your emotions or actions. Chapter ten was my favorite of the three. It explained the pride one receives from just noticing the positive aspect of everyday life especially the simple things, how simply wishing others well and focusing on good will not only enhance yourself as a whole but others too. It explained that karma comes and goes but it’s revenge and timing is simply not in your control. Another thing I enjoyed was the “them and us”. To simply stop and think, instead picking out specifics you don’t like about an individual, try to think about the similarities between them and you, which in return your forming the “us” perspective. In a sense the entire world is a whole. One thing I would like to not only learn about but practice in order to help me benefit from all different aspects is to practice noncontention. I get upset or angry fairly easy, I think a lot of it is driven by stress. However, half of the arguments I find myself in are not even worth the time to argue about. I think that looking at the situation as “his/her mind and my mind” (they are separate) is an interesting way to look at the situations I find myself in.
Terms: evolution, empathy, deprive, affection, noncontention, good will, and wellness
These chapters were a bit on the interesting side of things. Right from the beginning we were introduced to the wolves in our hearts. One of love and the other of hate. The wolf of love is bigger and stronger and has helped with the evolution of our brains over the years. The increase in the size of our brains is partially attributed to interpersonal capabilities such as empathy and cooperative planning. Empathy uses three neural systems that stimulate a person’s actions, emotions, and thoughts about others.
In the following chapter we focus in on compassion and assertion. Compassion is the concern for the suffering of others and yourself. Assertion is expressing who you are and pursuing you goals within any type of relationship. Empathy is the point of true compassion. It involves stimulating the actions, feelings, and thoughts of another individual. With help for assertion one should have unilateral virtue and effective communication. Having these communication skill will help you interact harmoniously with others, and virtue helps regulate your brain.
After a person learn compassion, one must also develop kindness for others. Kindness if the true wish that you have for other to be happy. It is important to be kind to all others, not just the ones you like or treat you well in return. People need to focus any ill will to good will and this will in turn help tame their wolf of hate.
Terms: wolves, evolution, empathy, actions, emotions, compassion, assertion, virtue, communication, kindness